


#16 THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE SIMPLEST NO

by baekedaelights, Moony_Prouvaire



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boxing, Best Friends to Lovers, Boxer Baekhyun, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Pining Jongdae, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 07:50:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20579036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekedaelights/pseuds/baekedaelights, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moony_Prouvaire/pseuds/Moony_Prouvaire
Summary: Jongdae has been playing safe all his life. Juggling his job as Baekhyun's boxing coach and as a barista, he has always had his life settled. Until Kyungsoo dares him to say "no" to Baekhyun. A simple decision that's going to entail a series of consequences and that's going to make him take the greatest risk of his life.(Aka Jongdae's pining, Baekhyun's oblivious and vice versa)





	#16 THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE SIMPLEST NO

**Author's Note:**

> \- Thank you mods for coming up with a Baekchen fic fest. I'm eternally grateful as a prompter, as a writer and as an avid reader of this pairing.
> 
> \- Thank you, Elle (my beta), for putting up with me
> 
> \- Thank you, Ani, for being one of my sources of happiness (and who cheered for me during all the writing)
> 
> \- Thank you, Nini, for answering my boxing questions
> 
> \- Thank you, Saint Google. I should really add a bibliography at the end with all the pages I visited about drugs and boxing. Hope I didn't write anything wrong
> 
> \- In the future, I may add an epilogue as my beta suggested to me. For now, that's all folks! I hope you get to enjoy this fic and the whole fest.

**THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE SIMPLEST NO**

Jongdae has never been a sporty person. Sporty, athletic or any other adjective that has something to do with having outstanding physical qualities and a taste for sweating. Indeed, if anyone asked, Jongdae would affirm that his favorite hobbies are sleeping and eating. However, he spends most of his days at the gym.

Because Jongdae doesn’t like sports, no, but he has always liked Baekhyun. A lot. So, when one afternoon years ago, his best friend and newly-discovered crush begged him to sign up for boxing classes with him, Jongdae couldn't do anything but accept.

He can't even remember when that was. Only that Baekhyun had finally got rid of his ridiculous long bangs and Jongdae, who has never been able to appreciate his whole face (his eyes included), was captivated, enraptured and tremendously terrified. Terrified because he was having unnecessary homosexual thoughts about his best friend’s new look.

It was a moment of weakness that Baekhyun, probably unaware, took advantage of.

They had always been inseparable. Taking music classes together, studying under the same piano teacher, joining the basketball team the same year and giving up said team at the same time because everyone suddenly had their growth spurt except for them (not to be delusional but Jongdae’s still waiting for his if you wonder).

For Baekhyun, it was just logical to ask his best friend to take boxing classes with him. It was also normal for Jongdae to yield.

In retrospective, the Jongdae from today can't reproach anything to his past self. Quite the opposite. He has sympathy for him and understands him. It's difficult to say no to Baekhyun. His Achilles heel has always been Baekhyun. Then, no homo and now, full homo.

That’s how Jongdae ended learning how to box along with Baekhyun. It was fun. They learned dynamics, got to fight each other without their parents calling them savages or warning them for being too dangerous. They could show off techniques that they didn't master, muscles that weren't there yet but will.

It was good. Jongdae could almost, _almost _admit that he enjoyed himself. He enjoyed watching a sweaty Baekhyun, sprawled on a mat, smiling at him while puffing and panting if that counts. Boxing wasn't bad either.

Jongdae wasn't completely useless, but he lacked perseverance and competitiveness. That's why, when the coach invited them to take part in a local competition, Jongdae declined. Baekhyun, however, accepted and dragged Jongdae with him as his personal cheerleader. A milestone that wouldn't change the humankind history, but marked Jongdae's life and future.

Trying to balance the energetic drink, a smoothie and a weird food mixture that Jongdae refuses to call breakfast, Jongdae opens the door to Baekhyun's apartment, pushing it with his hip to get in. As expected, Baekhyun is nowhere to be seen, which increases the odds that he's still sleeping on his bed to 85%. The remaining 15% could be that he might have fallen asleep in the bathroom. A strange yet usual situation.

"It's me!" Jongdae yells as a warning.

Not as: caution, there's someone in your house. But more like: caution, if I don't see your ass appearing through the kitchen door in the next five minutes, you’ll have said intruder jumping on your bed to wake you up. Or scream-singing in your ear the song he just composed.

There's no answer, unsurprisingly, so Jongdae places everything on the countertop and darts toward Baekhyun's room ready to attack.

Perhaps Jongdae was too distracted, but he doesn't notice anything out of the ordinary until his foot lands on what it feels like a belly and a high-pitched scream ensues. One that doesn't sound like Baekhyun’s at all.

He steps on it again, to corroborate his hypothesis and, yes, that's definitely not Baekhyun, unless…

"Did you decide to wear your shabby mullet again and impersonate the channel six reporter, Baek?" It could be. Only Jongdae knows the extremes that Baekhyun could reach.

A hand grabs his ankle when he’s about to go for his third jump, making him lose his balance and fall unceremoniously on top of a body that releases a half breathless groan and half dying animal yell that sounds a lot more like Baekhyun.

"Don't know what you have against sleeping with your shutters up, but if you don’t want me jumping on dangerous territory next time, I advise you to raise them. Or wake up before nine so I don't have to wake you up. But that would be cruel for my part, to deprive you of my sweet good mornings”

Baekhyun replies with a yawn and a 'good morning, Dae', stretching under Jongdae’s weight.

Jongdae tries not to react violently when he feels something poking his stomach. He wiggles a little to probe if it's Baekhyun's phone or if it’s what he's afraid it could be.

"Careful there. Better try with your hand, Dae," Baekhyun cheekily says.

It's what he had feared and the moan that follows is so unnecessary, so _cruel._

"You're disgusting, Baek." _No, he really is not_, Jongdae internally thinks, because he wouldn't mind waking up to Baekhyun's morning wood greeting him for the rest of his life.

Baekhyun's chuckles turned into a groan as Jongdae creeps over the other's body to switch on the light on the night table.

"Hurry up. We have to be in the gym in half an hour and I can only train until midday. My shift at the coffee shop starts at 2 pm, so start moving your lazy ass, Baek. Or don’t complain again if we don’t have enough ti--Oh”

"Yeah, _oh_ to you too"

Jongdae tries not to frown. He really should worry about the tunnel effect induced by Baekhyun. It wasn't possible that during all this time, there had been a girl on the bed, only a couple of centimeters away and that he hadn't realized. A _naked _girl.

"Oh," he repeats, because _ugh._

Baekhyun laughs again, even when Jongdae jabs him with his elbow, the sound then more breathless and strangled. "I didn't see you there"

The first lesson of oratory: how to be resolute and know what to react no matter the moment. Nice, Jongdae, nice. There's no doubt why he failed that class.

She puckers her lips, frowning at Jongdae scornfully. "You stepped on me twice only five minutes ago"

The high pitch scream was hers. Now it makes more sense than Jongdae’s initial hypothesis. He has to concede that to her.

"I-I'm sorry?" Jongdae apologizes but it sounds like a question. After all, it wasn’t his intention to jump on her but on Baek. However, she wasn’t supposed to be there so Jongdae’s not really repentant.

"It's okay, she’s just leaving, right? We agreed yesterday that you would be leaving at first light,” Baekhyun says, placing his left hand on Jongdae’s hip.

Externally, Jongdae gives Baekhyun a hard look for the lack of manners. Internally, he sighs in relief.

It's not the first time that he witnessed this kind of scene. No, not Baekhyun being an asshole. That’s a misunderstanding. But Baekhyun likes to have one night stands from time to time, and Jongdae’s perfectly okay with it. Normally, he doesn’t jump on those people. Literally.

Only at the beginning when his crush for Baekhyun was brand new.

And Jongdae doesn’t even get jealous. Unless, if said person stays the morning after ‘cause that usually means it’s not just a fling. Which gives Jongdae actual reason to bawl his eyes out and to wonder why, after more than seven years, he's still in love with Baekhyun.

Today’s definitely a good day.

The girl opens her mouth, ready to say something, but closes it again. Jongdae doesn't need to hear her in order to know her thoughts. Her glare analyzing Baekhyun cuddling him from behind is sufficiently revealing.

He could clarify that they’re just friends, by all means. Baekhyun's nose buried in Jongdae's neck? Friendly. Baekhyun's fingers playing with the ring in Jongdae's hand? The nonexistent space between their bodies right now? It's all friendly business. That’s how their dynamic works.

They touch each other a lot, caress each other a lot. They love each other a lot and even kiss (not a lot, sadly). They’re just friends, nothing more. A pity, yes. An endless pain in Jongdae’s balls that one can't really imagine.

Jongdae could tell her so, but if she gets the wrong impression and never comes back, even better.

"I'll walk you to the door," Baekhyun says once the girl is already dressed and ready to leave.

"You can't scold me later for not behaving like a gentleman," he whispers to Jongdae, kissing his temple before standing up and jogging naked after her.

Jongdae groans, trying to choke himself with the pillow. The image of Baekhyun's bare butt bouncing repeating on loop under his eyelids.

Life is unfair. It's unfair that Baekhyun has an ass like _that_. It’s unfair that he exhibits it as it deserves and that Jongdae can't do anything except stare. It's not fair. It's torture.

"Are you alive under my pillow?" Sadly, yes. "Gonna take a shower and eat." Jongdae only moves his hand up to show his approving thumb. "If I were you,” continues Baekhyun, “I would change the sheets before lying there. Including the pillowcase that you're using to choke yourself"

Jongdae refrains from thinking, not as repelled as he should be.

Ten minutes later, when he’s sipping his recommended cup of coffee (read: recommended by him so he doesn't have to deal with headaches for the lack of caffeine), Baekhyun enters the kitchen, already donned with his workout outfit. In only five minutes, he scarfs the concoction that he calls breakfast, gulps the smoothie down and he sizes up the energetic drink.

Automatically, Jongdae places his hand over Baekhyun's belly, rubbing it. There's no use to scold him for eating too fast. He’s been there, done that. It’s fruitless. Jongdae simply acts before the stomach ache begins, massaging him.

"Did you get to finish your new song?" Baekhyun asks, dragging their chairs closer to take a peek to the notebook on the table.

Jongdae hums affirmatively, which in Baekhyun's language must translate to: _you're free to read it_ because that's exactly what he does.

Meanwhile, Jongdae brushes Baekhyun's rebellious locks with his fingers, always so messy after he wakes up. He plays with one of them, curling it around his index, enjoying its softness. The smell of the shampoo that Baekhyun applied this morning impregnating him.

They’re so close. They’re always so close. He's so used to Baekhyun's smell, his softness, the familiar warmth of his hand in his thigh, the countless eyelash that Jongdae has tried to count a thousand times. He observes Baekhyun's eager eyes reading his lyrics, the little unconscious moves of his mouth when some word pleases him when another one surprises him.

Sighing, Jongdae takes his hand away with one last pat and occupies himself with the coffee that tastes more bitter than before.

Soon, Baekhyun's praises arrive.

"It's so good, so good, Dae. You’re so talented"

How many times has Baekhyun said that? Hundreds. How many times has Jongdae blushed because of them? Thousands.

Baekhyun's words are simple, generic, but you can hear the emotion in his voice, see the pride in his bright eyes and the ‘I love you’, even if not in the same way that Jongdae does, in the square curvature of his smile.

Jongdae follows the sentence that Baekhyun is pointing at, nods, explains where that metaphor comes from. Baekhyun then points at another line. And Jongdae replies again. That goes on for a while.

The first time Jongdae showed him a self-composed song, Baekhyun spent a whole hour trying to decipher all the hidden meanings. In the end, Jongdae had to ask why he had so much interest in knowing the meaning of his songs. Until now, Jongdae keeps repeating the other's answer in his head, his face never failing to break into a stupid smile.

_You communicate your feelings through your songs, Dae. Knowing what the lyrics are about is knowing you in-depth. I'm your best friend, but there are things that we can't always share, that are too hard to express. You break down all the language barriers with your songs. That's why I'm so interested._

Jongdae spent a whole week scared shirtless thinking that Baekhyun knew about his feelings. When nothing happened, when everything continued being the same, Jongdae convinced himself that Baekhyun was still oblivious.

However, it made Jongdae bolder with the lyrics, confessing his love to Baekhyun who kept asking about the hidden meaning not realizing anything.

Baekhyun's arms hugging him and his beaming voice bring him back to reality.

"You’re so talented. When you take the world by storm remember that I'm your fan number one, please"

"Yeah, well, at this rate you're going to be my only fan forever"

Baekhyun squeezes his arms a little too tight, almost making Jongdae spill his coffee. "Was that a self-deprecating comment?"

Jongdae places his hand over his chest. “Self-deprecating? Me? Never”

“Good. Because I was gonna say that you should totally sing that song tonight”

Jongdae pauses, then he meets Baekhyun’s eyes. “Okay, .you have to tell me how to say ‘no in a million years, my song’s not that good and people won’t like it’ without sounding self-deprecating”

"No, Dae, listen. I know that you only do covers but I'm sure if you ask Minseok, he's going to let you sing one of your songs. And don’t you dare insult your babies! They’re _good_, so good that Minseok’s going to beg _you _to play them"

Before Jongdae can even argue with a witty retort, Baekhyun covers Jongdae’s mouth with his palm, effectively shutting him up. Jongdae licks said palm in retaliation. Wrong move. Baekhyun’s disgusting so-called breakfast invades his taste buds sending Jongdae’s head backward abruptly.

"Coffee, coffee," he cries, taking a long sip. "I don't know how you can eat that toxic food every day. Much less how you survive it"

Baekhyun rolls his eyes but doesn't answer, going back to the main topic instead.

"Let me tell you something,” Baekhyun starts, throwing his leg over Jongdae’s lap in a clear, devious act to stop him from running away. “You’re talented. Brilliant! I'm scared that you don't know to what extent how good you are. It’s true that you aren’t the most daring person but, Dae, leave that empty cup and look at me,"

Jongdae keeps staring at the coffee grounds on his cup, like a stubborn kid.

"Dae, c' mon," Baekhyun whines, taking the cup from his hands and placing it on the table.

Jongdae complies, meeting Baekhyun's intense eyes. They seem to be sparkling with each blink.

One blink, a second one. Several. Too many blinks.

"Did you put on your contacts?"

"Mmm, maybe? Maybe I forgot the right one? But I read your song with my left eye if that’s a tricky question. And I still think you should share it with the world. I know what you’re thinking: _but Baek you’re the world for me---_”

“That’s not my voice, idiot,” Jongdae says, interrupting him. Really, his voice isn’t that high and annoying. “And you’re not my world. I have other friends and my family too, you know”

“_But Baek you’re half the world for me. _Better?”

“Yep, more convincing”

“Thank you. That’s always my first priority. Anyway, as I was _seriously_ telling you: share it. Imagine someone important entering the café while you’re singing and falling in love with you or, even better, offering you a contract,” Baekhyun says rapidly while blinking nonstop at Jongdae, who in turn, looks at him with pity.

"Come with me," Jongdae sighs, pushing the Baekhyun’s leg off his lap and grabbing his wrist. Have Baekhyun as your best friend and as a gift, you’ll receive a toddler to look after. "How is that you didn't notice that you weren't wearing both contacts?"

Baekhyun shrugs, walking after Jongdae toward his bathroom. "Don't know. I was super hungry and when I was reading your song, I couldn't think about anything else." Literally, a child.

"But did you listen to me?" Baekhyun insists.

"Yes. Sit there."

Baekhyun takes a seat on the toilet, without ceasing to talk. "You have the talent. You just need to find the right manager and investor. And your confidence. That’s the difficult part, I’m afraid. Remember when I had to look for sponsors?"

"Yes, I do. Look up"

"I love you, Dae." Jongdae bites his lips, acting like those words don't affect him, grabbing Baekhyun's chin tightly so he doesn't move. "But you really should step out of your comfort zone from time to time."

"It's not even 10 a.m. Not the perfect time for a pep talk. Not that I need a pep talk. Stop blinking, Baek"

Baekhyun gives him five seconds of silence, which Jongdae gladly takes. "Done," he announces, ready to flee.

"Dae." Too late. Baekhyun blocks Jongdae's gateway. With one arm at each side, Baekhyun traps him between his body and the sink.

Jongdae opts to cross his arms challengingly to counteract his own nervousness. It’s only a faked security.

"I'm not going to insist"

"You’re already doing it. I just don't want to sing my songs to strangers. They’re too personal, too intimate"

"I know, I know. You only show them to your friends." Jongdae shows them to Baekhyun solely, but he’s not going to correct him on that. "I just want the best for you"

"I'm happy working at the café and as your coach.” Two of his favorite things in the world: coffee and Baekhyun.

"But you can be so much more," Baekhyun says earnestly. "Your writing skills are outstanding and your voice, even if you don't want to be a singer, is magical. If you just…"

"Drop it." He's not ready. His songs are mediocre, his voice is average at best. He dropped out of his music major because he was getting stressed and couldn't pass more than half the classes. If that's not telling enough then what was. Music was a hobby.

And Baekhyun was a good friend with pure intentions. "You just have to believe in yourself a little," Baekhyun whispers dropping his eyes tiredly.

When he lifts them up again, there's a gloating tint in them. "Your song is still pretty good. You’re still really talented. I'm so proud of you." Baekhyun’s lips form a naughty smirk. "You keep blushing when I praise you," he says closer to Jongdae's ear, taking a step back and leaving the bathroom and a flushed Jongdae behind.

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

They never got to change the gym where they train. Baekhyun made enough money to pay for a fancier one. He was also pretty popular around the city, so he could probably receive some discounts for Jongdae to use. But for them, the current gym is enough. After all, they don't need much, just some punching bags, a ring, mats, and a weight room. Their gym provided them with that.

The only downside is they always have to arrive early, so they can greet all the acquaintances that they had and do some small talks with them. Jongdae lets Baekhyun do the talking while he does the more important matters, going inside their room to prepare everything for the training.

Today is no different from any other. Jongdae has successfully avoided a conversation about the weather and another one about politics. By the time Baekhyun appears, faking tiredness by leaning against the door as it was his salvation, Jongdae is already stretching, background music playing, with another mat extended for his best friend.

"Remind me again why I have to be the social butterfly of this duo, please. There's a limit to the number of smiles I can fake each morning"

"Did Min talk about his cat again? Or this time it was Jung explaining to you why you should change to kickboxing?"

Baekhyun snorts, taking his place in front of Jongdae and trying to reach his feet with his hands.

"I wish. No, this time she was talking about an article she saw with ten steps to control your urge to pee"

Jongdae cackles, his fingers brushing the top of his feet. "That's what you get for overusing that excuse. Next time she's going to get you a diaper, I tell you”

"Well, my partner in crime," Baekhyun says with accusatory eyes, "always abandons me at the mercy of the tireless elders"

"So dramatic," Jongdae puffs, laying his back on the mat and raising his left leg up. Baekhyun takes his calf and pushes it toward Jongdae's head.

The couple stretching routines are Jongdae's favorite part of each training. Intimate touches, short-distance between their faces, every inch of their legs touching, of their butts as they stand back to back, while they both lean at the same time downwards with their arms encircling each other’s legs. The continuous holding hands, with no second guesses, just to maintain their balances. Just because Jongdae secretly loves to feel Baekhyun's fingers against his, so soft and elegant despite being strong enough to knock you out. Baekhyun looking at him from above as he helps Jongdae to open his extended legs. Jongdae doing the same for Baekhyun.

These routines have helped Jongdae to control his libido a lot. He saves all those moments inside his head for future personal and intimate matters, not gonna lie. But, except for those first days when his teenage hormones were acting up, he doesn't get aroused. He endures those fifteen minutes as if the sexual tension only exists in his head, a product of his imagination.

"I talked with Lin out there"

They’re now running in circles, a speed fast enough to warm them up but sufficiently slow to let them hold conversations. Sometimes Jongdae suspects the only purpose of him being here is to accompany Baekhyun and talk to him so he doesn't get bored.

"New guy?" Jongdae asks.

Baekhyun sniggers. Jongdae automatically smiles, smitten. Everything would be easier if Baekhyun wasn't such a cute puppy.

"No, Dae, not new at all. He's part of that group that you refuse to greet"

That makes Jongdae frowns. With reason. Why would anyone talk _willingly _to Lin or to any other person of his group?

Let Jongdae explain this. There are four different groups of people present at the gym in the mornings.

First, the elderly. Those retired, old people that use the gym as a recreational meeting place, even though they haven’t boxed in their lives and think some machines are there so they can sit and rest. They love Baekhyun and Jongdae, and they’re the main reason why they have to arrive in the gym earlier. They talk too much about anything and everything, always prying into Baekhyun and Jongdae’s private lives. Like one of those wearing neighbours that interrogates Jongdae every time he uses the elevator, except that here, they attack in packs and it's almost impossible to escape. All in all, they aren't bad, just too intrusively curious.

Second, boxers that work in the afternoons or have alternative shifts or are just unemployed. They mind their own businesses, a greeting with nods and that's all. No need for actual interaction except when they fight against them in the ring.

Third, newbs of all ages that are trying amateur boxing for the first time or that just like to go and watch. Sometimes they talk, sometimes Baekhyun flirts with some of them, sometimes Jongdae flirts too. Actually, there’s only one time he did flirt with a guy called Minseok that was new in town and was about to open a café. Now the aforementioned guy is his friend, his boss and is engaged.

Lastly, Seong's crew. They're a synonym of scheming. Illegal bets, drug trafficking, parties with call girls and dangerous fights. Seong is a NO. That's why Jongdae refuses to acknowledge their mere presence. It’s called survival instincts and being morally demanding.

He doesn't understand Baekhyun’s calm demeanor, as if he doesn't know what Seong's crew means. That Lin guy included.

"He invited us to a casual match this Thursday at Sempronio. The owner lets them use his basement to hold it."

It's not the first time they’re invited to those places. What’s new is them talking about it.

"Dae?"

Jongdae increases his speed. He has no time for tomfooleries and Baekhyun really needs to sweat some more, to run faster, to shut his mouth.

"Some of the boxers that I'm going to combat with next month are going—"

"If you want to go, then go. You don't need my permission, but I'm not going with you," Jongdae cuts in.

It's a bluff, he hopes neither of them goes. Because he knows if Baekhyun goes, Jongdae will too.

"Don't be like that. I asked. There aren't going to be drugs, nor whores, just fights. Rounds. It’ll be like any other training class but with more people. Though if you want, we can only go and watch. We’re not required to fight. C'mon, I know we’re going to have fuuun"

Baekhyun grabs Jongdae by his arm, using his pout on full force, batting his eyelashes and making his voice weaker. He’s wearing a tee that’s too big for him, which he would probably take off later. However, right now, it just fuels his already adorable looks to greater heights.

If Jongdae could, he would just grab Baekhyun by the collar of his tee, kiss his pout away and call it a day. But he can’t.

"I think it's time for push-ups," Jongdae claims instead, with a set smile as he puts some distance between him and Baekhyun.

Still pouting, Baekhyun does what he has been told. They've just started with their practice, so they aren't worn out yet. This gives Baekhyun the chance to insist. Jongdae turns up the volume of the music to muffle his voice.

Jongdae’s being obstinate with good reason. Those fights aren't controlled. They’re clandestine with no medical services, with no limits. Generally, they beat the shit out of each other until unconsciousness. Besides, most of these people think they’re inside the Fight Club book and their only intention is to bleed or make someone bleed. They're MAD.

"It's going to be alright"

It's a pity he can't play the music louder. Damn gym rules. And damn himself for following such rules. "After you’re done with the push-ups, continue with some burpees," he says nonchalantly.

"Dae"

"Is that your eleventh? Sorry, I wasn't counting. Let's start over. One, two…"

"You're acting like a child right now"

"Three…faster, four… this is too simple. Try with more weight"

Well, Jongdae considers himself a slim and skinny boy. Mostly just bones and some muscles here and there, not at all heavy. Maybe it was the lack of warning which causes what happens next. The moment he sits on Baekhyun's back, they both fell.

"Sorry," he mutters rolling off Baekhyun, who is squashed like a pancake against the mat.

While he's trying to get up, Baekhyun pulls him by his tee, making Jongdae fall again with a thud. Turning slowly, he only gets a glimpse of Baekhyun’s smirk right before he's being held down. Jongdae's cheek now glued to the mat, his arm twisted backward, Baekhyun pinning him with his arms and a knee pressing on Jongdae's butt.

"That hurts, that hurts"

"Listen to me, stop being unnecessary stubborn and I’ll free you"

"We’re wasting training time," Jongdae complains in vain.

"I—"

"I can't feel my arm," he cries, trying again.

"There's this—"

"I can’t feel my butt either. Is this how death is like? Am I going to start now with the flashbacks?"

"For goodness' sake, okay, you're free, whiner. I just wanted to say that Wooyoung, the opponent that defeated me in the last championship, is going." Jongdae moves his released arm and touches his left gluteus right in the spot where Baek's knee had been. "Also, if we go, I'm buying you one americano each morning for the rest of the week.”

"Are you bribing me?"

"Month, for the rest of the month"

"You’re really bribing your best friend. What kind of perverse moral compass do you—"

"And a massage when you come back from the café"

"Deal"

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

"Massages and americanos, am I too easy? I mean, granted, we are talking about Baekhyun, he only needed to persist for a couple of minutes more and I would have consented already, at least I got free coffee and suggestive sensual massages this way, right? He didn't say that last part, though, but I really hope I get suggestive and sensual massages. If not, what a waste. Do I sound too needy? I think I did, probably because I am. Which it's not my fault. Try being in love with your best friend for centuries and only having eventual sex once every blue moon. Anyway, that's not the problem. The problem is we really shouldn't go to that local. We can be arrested, I'm not even joking here. I—"

"I only asked for a refill"

Jongdae blinks at Kyungsoo, who is still holding his empty latte cup at him. "Right. Latte again?"

Kyungsoo nods.

Taking the cup, he smiles at Kyungsoo who returns it half-heartedly. Now that Jongdae is really looking, he registers the bags under his eyes and a perpetual frown that only appears when Kyungsoo is impossibly exhausted.

Yeah, he probably doesn't need Jongdae monologue at this very moment.

"Did you get to finish your script?" Jongdae asks him.

Kyungsoo is a playwright. His dream is to move to the U.S. and win a Pulitzer Prize for Drama. Nevertheless, during the last few years, he collided several times with the harsh reality. Currently, he works as a theatre teacher in a school on the outskirts of the city.

Jongdae tries to attend all his performances every year. The dialogues, the music, the staging, everything about Kyungsoo’s work is magnificent. Kyungsoo _is_ magnificent. Still, it seems it's not enough for the national and American public.

He's another one. Another one who has to lower his expectations because life isn't as easy as he originally thought. 

"If that was the only problem," Kyungsoo mutters barely opening his mouth. His shoulders sink, defeated as if a concrete block had fallen heavily on them.

Jongdae takes one of the chocolate candies that Minseok keeps for children. Once he has filled Kyungsoo's cup, he places both on the counter. There's no pain that chocolate can't heal. No sadness that chocolate can't erase. Those are universal truths.

Kyungsoo smiles, grateful. But it doesn’t reach his eyes and the full-blown heart-shaped smile is missing. It’s not enough for Jongdae. Before Kyungsoo can even reach the cup, Jongdae quickly grabs it again to prepare something more.

"Jongdae, it's okay, you don't have to—"

"Just a moment. Don't worry, there's no one else waiting," he replies joyfully.

Jongdae met Kyungsoo in the first year of his Music Degree. Since the beginning, they became good friends and during all this time, Jongdae got to unravel the mysterious enigma that Do Kyungsoo is. One of the first things he learned is how to make him talk openly. The first step is to grant him the perfect equilibrium between space and attention, never asking directly about his worries but showing interest the moment he opens his mouth.

Chocolate also helps. It makes him talk openly.

"They have reduced the theatre budget again," Kyungsoo confesses after a few seconds.

Jongdae, with his back turned, can hear him unwrapping the candy. He hums, reassuring Kyungsoo to keep going. 

"I shouldn't be surprised. Every year is the same. _Mr. Do I have some bad news_," Kyungsoo says, changing his voice tone slightly, an attempt to impersonate the school principal "_the handball team did such a great season last year that we set their goal higher: the professional league. For promoting, we need to invest more in the handball team and you know how limited the school's budget is. We have to cut back another item… yours"_

"Didn't they try to promote to the professional league last year?" Jongdae asks shaping the milk foam above the coffee. 

"Yes. They tried. They try every fucking year." The corners of Jongdae's mouth turn higher as he hears Kyungsoo cursing and chewing the candy at the same time. "They're embarrassing. If they win something it's cause the other school teams are even worse, and that’s saying a lot"

Kyungsoo has no idea about handball. Jongdae either, so he doesn’t bother correcting him. In its place, he begins to shred a chocolate square, letting the shavings fall on the foam.

The cup is ready. However, Jongdae proceeds to clean the used tools, knowing the moment he hands in the coffee to Kyungsoo the conversation will be over.

"Is the same handball coach still on the team?" he asks innocently.

Jongdae has been in love for so long that he has developed a superpower: to recognize others in the same situation. Even Kyungsoo, so secluded and so hard to read, is powerless when it comes to Jongdae's gift.

"Park"

If Kyungsoo is trying to gather all his animadversion in that surname, it’s not working. Simply because it's nonexistent. He doesn’t sound annoyed. He sounds like Jongdae when he scolds Baekhyun for touching his butt. They need practice. They sound so falsely annoyed that anyone can guess they're lying.

"Park, who commanded his handball team to go and watch your play last year," Jongdae remembers casually.

"Exactly. _Commanded_.” The emphasis of that word, pronounced with his teeth clenched, is unnatural.

_You were good at acting. C’mon, Soo, _Jongdae thinks to himself.

“As if I couldn't sell out all the tickets by myself,” Kyungsoo continues. “I mean, we. Not me. The kids and I. We don't need his help"

"Of course you don't," Jongdae replies cynically.

Finally, he places the cup in front of Kyungsoo with a 'ta-dah'. This time Kyungsoo beams, a whole heart formed on his lips this time. "Thanks, Jongdae. You're an angel."

"It's just foam, it's nothing. You know, maybe you could bring that Park guy here someday. Didn't you tell me he plays the piano? Or was it the guitar? Perhaps he could come on Tuesdays or Thursdays and join me while I sing. I know you don’t like him but I only use a musical base and I think it would be much cooler if somebody plays live too. But I’m not close to any musician. Do you think he would be willing to play with me?"

Honestly, the musical base is sufficient for Jongdae. He doesn't need instruments. However, Kyungsoo does need a little push to get closer to that guy.

"He plays both," Kyungsoo says bringing a teaspoon full of foam to his mouth. He tastes it for a few seconds before talking again. "Piano and guitar." There’s some foam on his chin. "And the drums." Jongdae chuckles. "I'm not exaggerating here, I think he can play any instrument that you put on his hands"

Jongdae bites his lips, refraining himself from commenting about how proud Kyungsoo sounds, how _whipped_.

"I could suggest it to him. For you. After all, you're always helping me. I owe you," Kyungsoo declares; he's so focused on his coffee, on preventing a chocolate bit from falling, that he misses Jongdae’s winning smile.

"You owe me nothing. I just smuggle chocolate and milk foam, Soo"

"You're right. And in return, I have to endure all your soliloquies about Baekhyun. But still, I'll ask, I don't mind." Kyungsoo picks the cup, ready to go back to his seat. "And about what you told me before, if I were you, I wouldn't go to that shit-hole local"

Oh, right. His problem.

"Exactly," Jongdae agrees, nodding vigorously, "it's a shit-hole. A completely—"

"You don't have to yield to Baekhyun all the time"

_What?_ That’s bullshit.

"I don't?" That wasn’t supposed to come out as a question. He clears his throat and repeats it with conviction. "I don't"

Kyungsoo stares unblinking at him. Somehow, that's enough for Jongdae to amend his answer. "Not all the time".

"Yeah, you actually do. Anyway, I have a script to write. Thanks for the latte. And chocolate. And the foam. I will talk with Chanye… with Mr. Park, and see what I can do"

Kyungsoo walks back to his table, beside the door and close to the window, while Jongdae looks at his retreating back.

He can say no to Baekhyun. He did it before. Dozens of times. He can't remember any of them, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. In fact, Jongdae is going to say no right now. He's going to tell him he refuses to go to Sempronio. Once Baekhyun opens the café's door, that is. At this time, Jongdae is pretty sure he’s playing one of his video games. It would be useless to call him at this exact moment.

Hours later, Jongdae’s on stage preparing the base. If you can call it a stage to the corner where there are a pair of speakers and a lonely standing microphone. He's so concentrated that he doesn’t notice Baekhyun entering.

Fifteen minutes prior to his performance, Jongdae lifts his eyes and sees him.

Baekhyun has taken the other chair at Kyungsoo's table. He's kicking his legs, trying to reach Kyungsoo's. The other is clearly ignoring him and doesn't even wince when Baekhyun's foot collides with his shin.

_This is the perfect moment to act_, thinks Jongdae as he strolls back behind the bar.

Jongin is the barista in charge during evenings, but it's Jongdae who has to prepare Baekhyun's coffee. His order is special. Baekhyun can't drink any coffee. Usually, he doesn't finish his cups, always forgetting them half-empty. Unless they have been made by Jongdae. It provokes a warm feeling in his belly to see Baekhyun’s cup emptied.

Not that it makes sense. 

Their friendship dates back to the oldest times. Obviously, Jongdae knows the right temperature of the coffee. And knows when does he have to stop the machine so it doesn't turn out aqueous. And that the milk must be lactose-free. And that the cup always has to have a pinch of date liquid sugar.

Baekhyun would possibly drink any coffee whose maker has followed all those tricks. It just happens that Jongdae is the only maker as of now. So yes, it doesn't make sense, but he feels special nonetheless.

Anyway, Jongdae is ready to speak up. After all, turning down Baekhyun's plan in front of Kyungsoo is an incentive. He can show the latter how wrong he was at the same time. 

So he's ready. Until he's not. Until he reaches their table and Baekhyun beams at him and says the most stupid thing ever.

"You have no right to speak about Daenerys," Jongdae replies categorically.

The contents of the cup almost spill as it makes contact with the wooden table a little too hard. Kyungsoo moves his laptop away, increasing the distance between them, just in case.

"You haven't even watched the previous seasons of Games of Thrones," Jongdae accuses. "You can't just go and watch the last one and claim with your ignorant mouth that she's a bloodthirsty and ambitious madwoman. She has _suffered!_"

"Haven't they all?" Baekhyun says looking amused.

"Ugh, it's mentally painful to hear you talk about something when you're an uneducated viewer that knows nothing about the series"

"That's redundant. Know nothing, be uneducat—"

"You didn't read the books, you don't even know what was the Red Wedding, you don't know who Khal Drogo was. Kyungsoo, please, back me up here, tell this _muggle_ that he can't opine"

"This is a democracy," Baekhyun objects with one of his wicked smile, remembering Jongdae the terrible ending of the season, of the whole series. It’s heartless.

"No. This isn't. Not anymore. No, when you are insulting '_Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen…_'"

Baekhyun's shoulders shake as he laughs noiselessly. "You are such a nerd"

"'…_Khaleesi of the Great Grass_…"

"It's cute"

Jongdae's mouth is open, but he can't articulate another word.

"Asshole," Jongdae’s mind and mouth provide in the end. Or mind-mouth said, hastily forming a new word. Because when Baekhyun says stuff like that, there's really no difference between Jongdae's mind and mouth. 

Baekhyun lets out a loud guffaw. From the corner of his eye, Jongdae can see Kyungsoo turning up the volume of his earphones in consequence. Jongdae reaches to his device to turn it down.

"Too high," he explains when Kyungsoo's questioning eyes meet his.

Then, he shifts his attention back to Baekhyun. His chin is resting on his hand, his eyes fixed on Jongdae. "Are you going to sing your new song tonight?" he asks lowering his voice.

Jongdae has to read his lips because the noise around them doesn't let him hear him properly. Also, because he puckers them to pronounce 'you' and 'song'. It's mesmerizing.

"Don't even think I'm going to forget your great affront only because you changed the topic, Baek"

Baekhyun takes one of the cords of Jongdae's apron and starts twisting it. Jongdae steps closer. "You know the answer," he replies at the end.

"I hope it would have changed"

Why would people prefer blue or green eyes over darker ones? Haven't they seen black eyes like Baekhyun's? So dark and yet so sparkly. So…

"Your eyes are so tiny"

"You have a dinosaur nose"

"But they're super beautiful"

"I love your perky butt"

They both talk in sequence, without missing a beat. Jongdae frowns at Baekhyun’s last sentence. “You’re _obsessed_. I'm going to apply for a restraining order. Isn’t he obsessed, Soo?"

"Minseok is calling you. Indeed, he has been calling you for quite a long time," Kyungsoo replies. "And I don't know what that cup has but you should add some foam there to make it better."

"Hey, did you drink it?" Baekhyun exclaims, annoyed. "Dae made it for me"

Warm. Jongdae feels _warm_.

"I did. I needed some stimulation to keep sitting here after witnessing your thwarted flirtation"

"Shall I tell Jongin to prepare something for you, Soo?" Jongdae offers, ignoring the accusation. "But without caffeine, you already had too much of that"

"I'm fine. Just go and sing"

"Yeah, baby, rock this place like you rock my world"

"I sing ballads, Baek"

"You both are so stupid that it's embarrassing"

"Ballad our socks off then!" Baekhyun exclaims slapping Jongdae's butt before he marches toward the stage.

"Please, drink that coffee and stop screaming," Kyungsoo says at the same time that Jongdae mouths "restraining order".

In the end, to no one's surprise, Jongdae doesn't speak up about Baekhyun's invitation to the shit-hole local.

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

It's ten p.m., Jongdae is watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine on his sofa and eating a bowl of ramen. The only light in the room comes from a pair of scented candles, the only sound is the beeping of his phone as he waits for Baekhyun to pick up.

It's about two hours before he meets him at Sempronio. And Jongdae is about to say NO to Baekhyun.

He's not a coward for doing it through a phone call. He's practical. He knows his weaknesses. All of them reducible to one: Baekhyun. It's stupid to ignore that and do it in person.

"I'm not sleeping, I swear I'm not. I was but now I'm wide awake and preparing my dinner and I promise I'll be on time." Baekhyun's rambling when he answers the call is endearing.

Jongdae coughs. Then, he remembers he was supposed to use indigestion as his excuse for not going tonight, that he doesn't need to cough. He halts. He's not a coward for lying, either.

"It's alright, Baek. I—I'm very sorry."

"Don't be, you didn't wake me up. I told you, I wasn't sleeping"

"No, I'm not sorry for that. Not my problem if you don't have a proper sleeping schedule."

"Then?"

"I can't go tonight, I'm sick." He coughs again.

"Did you catch a cold?"

What? Oh, because of the cough. "No, I ate this ramen without looking at the expiration date and now I have a stomach ache and I… I even barfed. Today, I had eggs for lunch and let me tell you the vomit was disgusting. I think it's better for me to stay at home, try to rest, avoid bars, loud music, stay at home. I don't know if I said that before. It's important, though so I'll repeat it: stay at home. You know, those things people do when they have to recover"

Jongdae feels uncomfortable when it's silence what follows. Taking his bowl, he balances it on the cushion above his crossed legs.

"Baek?"

"Do you want me to come?" He's so sweet. "So I can pull your ears for lying to me"

"I'm so, so sick, Baek, for real," Jongdae whines.

"There's a reason why you don't tend to lie. And no, it's not because you're a great person"

"But you always told me I am?"

"Well, yes, you are, but I'm angry right now…"

"Super sick, remember, be kind"

"…so I'm not going to praise you. You don't lie because you suck at it!"

Jongdae takes his chopsticks and eats some noodles.

"And I can hear you slurping, asshole."

"You mad?" Jongdae asks with the food still in his mouth. "I have extra ramen, you can come and eat it with me"

"I thought you wanted free massages and americanos"

"Oh, I want them. You can come and give me some too, whatcha think?"

"I thought you wanted to go to Sempronio"

"You know I didn't"

"For me. You wanted to go for me"

Jongdae has to make an effort to swallow the food.

"I'm not mad, I'm just sad," Baekhyun continues unaware of Jongdae's struggle.

"Don't pout to make me feel guilty," Jongdae says with a choked voice.

"I'm not"

"I can hear you pouting"

"You can't hear shit with the way you're ruminating"

"The aftertaste is so good, Baek, you really should come and try it"

"I _am_ pouting," Baekhyun resumes. "What I meant is that I don’t pout to make you feel guilty. If you do—"

"I don't, don't worry. What time are you coming then? I'll hide the key in the same place as always"

"You should feel guilty. And I told Lin I was going. I can't call it off two hours before it, unlike you."

Jongdae fills his mouth again, to restrain himself from talking, from yielding. He doesn't want to go to Sempronio. He doesn't have to. He can say no to Baekhyun. He’s already saying no.

"Tomorrow night, after your concert,…"

"Concert," Jongdae repeats mockingly. “What I do isn’t a concert”

"…let's dine together and binge-watch Killing Eve"

"Sounds like a plan. You aren’t mad then?"

"I’m not... Not really. You could have told me sooner, though. But since when can I get mad at you?"

Smiling, Jongdae leans his head against the sofa. "You’re right. You really can't," he says softly.

"Sadly. I'm going to spend all the money that I saved for your americanos in alcohol"

Jongdae snorts. "Be careful, you lightweight. And enjoy it while you can. Next week we start preparing for the boxing season and your alcohol prohibition starts with it, so make the most of tonight. If you need me to pick you up, give me a ring, okay?"

"I know. I don't feel like going if you aren’t coming with me." Jongdae's smile widens. "I will because I have to. If I like it, promise me you're going the next time with me. Willingly"

"Well, willingly, willingly, wouldn't be"

"Just promise me, you shameless quitter"

"Yeah, yeah, promise I'll go next time." He's not yielding, he's negotiating.

Jongdae holds the phone closer to his ear, knowing what was coming.

"Okay, love you, see you tomorrow"

"Love you too, Baek," Jongdae whispers once the call has ended, still clutching his phone.

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

"He's not coming, we can start now," Jongdae declares, blocking the screen of his phone and handing it to Kyungsoo.

He's not disappointed. Kyungsoo can wipe that look off his face. He doesn't need to be pitied just because Baekhyun didn't manage to arrive in time to listen to him sing.

From time to time, Baekhyun is busy and can’t pass by. Contrary to what everyone believes, they aren't joined at the hips. They have different hobbies and friends. Sometimes, Baekhyun is doing the former or meeting the latter, so he can't make time for Jongdae’s performance. It’s perfectly fine. It totally is.

"He came last Tuesday," he says. Either to Kyungsoo or to himself, he doesn't know. "And… well, he didn't say anything about that just now, but he’s coming to my house after this."

"I’ll record your first performance with live music and brag about it in our group chat to make him jealous." Jongdae has to keep people like Kyungsoo in his life forever.

"Don't tell Minseok this, but if it wasn't for Baekhyun, you would be my best friend," he confesses throwing his arms over Kyungsoo's body, wrapping him in a hug.

"There, there," he replies patting his back. "Stop hugging and go sing. Chanyeol is looking at you, he’s probably done practicing. Go, go."

Jongdae can't help but snort. Kyungsoo's smart enough to not ask about it.

_After lots of convincing, Chanyeol accepted to play for you_, Kyungsoo has said when Jongdae's shift began this midday.

Minutes later, two guys burst in. Chanyeol’s the tallest one with a smile bigger than Kyungsoo's head and a guitar case hung on his shoulder. The other person was Chanyeol's friend.

"This is Yixing. He just came back from China." Chanyeol introduced. "He also plays the guitar and the piano and he composes. Soo…" Jongdae screamed internally at that intimate nickname. "…told me to bring musicians, but I only know him. Is that alright?"

At that, Jongdae wanted to bang his head against the table. The intention of this meeting wasn't live music. It was to draw Kyungsoo and Chanyeol closer. Trust Kyungsoo to be dense about it.

By the moment they sit down on a table to talk about tonight's performance, Jongdae has already put his self-proclaimed gift into practice to find out how interested Chanyeol was in Kyungsoo. The final result? Overwhelming. How Kyungsoo was so blind to not see it? No idea.

_Look at you, Soo. So intelligent, so clever, always so calm and so good at acting, and one Chanyeol turns you into an obtuse, thick, nervous-wrecking bad actor_, Jongdae had thought as Kyungsoo apologized for hitting the guitar and making it fall.

That's why Jongdae snorted just now. He could bet all his precious saved money that Chanyeol was looking at Kyungsoo, not at Jongdae.

"Yeah, I'm going, I'm going," he laughs as Kyungsoo pushes him toward the stage.

Chanyeol welcomes him with a massive grin paired with lost eyes. Jongdae is sure that they are lost at one specific table in the café.

"Nervous?" Jongdae asks, trying to catch his attention.

Chanyeol confessed earlier that he's not used to playing live in front of an audience. He prefers to show his talent through videos that he can edit to make them more "entertaining". He once had a bad experience when he was playing the guitar for a local charity event and his sweaty fingers slipped from one fret to the adjacent producing a horrible squeal that made all the audience winced and booed at him at the end.

_Since then, I really avoid live music. This is an exceptional occasion, though_, Chanyeol said looking not so subtle at Kyungsoo, who replied with an oblivious "_why so"_.

Now, Chanyeol just shrugs with that big smile of his that seems glued to his face, sitting on one of the tools on the stage.

"Just a little"

"Don't act so nonchalant. He has been a mess since the other day when Kyungsoo invited him," Yixing says confidently. "_I'm going to serenade_ _the love of my life! _His words, not mine"

Chanyeol lets out a laugh that, even for a stranger like Jongdae, it sounds nervous and awkward.

"I didn’t say that. Ignore it. Ignore him. He's still learning Korean and he tends to misunderstand Korean a lot," he explains as he pats Yixing's back. Each pat harder. "I didn't say the love of my life. Who says those things nowadays, uh?" Yixing tries to dodge Chanyeol's hand. "I'm nervous because there are so many people here...right?"

Looking around, Jongdae counts a total of twelve people plus Jongin who is dangerously dancing in front of a shelf while cleaning up the cups. He then looks up at Yixing who rolls his eyes like saying "_many people my ass"_ confirming the lie.

Cynically, Jongdae nods at Chanyeol. "Of course. Still, it's totally okay to be nervous. For whatever reason."

"Or _whoever_," Yixing adds. The murderous glare that Chanyeol sends him is lost in Yixing who's adjusting his strap. 

Minutes later, they start playing.

There's something magical when Jongdae's voice intertwines with the music created by their instruments. An intimacy that only live performance can provide as his voice gets quieter and the guitar stronger, as he surfs through the notes of the piano.

During some parts, Chanyeol and Yixing harmonize with him. The harmonization flowing so easily that Jongdae has to close his eyes, letting the music transport him elsewhere.

They played a total of five songs, four in Korean and one in Mandarin. Kyungsoo records almost all of them. There's one that he isn’t able to, because in the middle of the performance, Jongin breaks a couple of cups and he rushes up to help him, sitting then closer to the stage.

Probably the audience doesn’t notice it but Jongdae's sensitive ears catch the involuntary guitar vibrato that Chanyeol's guitar makes right when Kyungsoo sits only a meter away from him.

And probably no one notices, not even Jongdae, but as they bow to the audience, both their smiles grow unconsciously wider when their eyes accidentally meet.

"Isn't it exhausting?" Yixing wonders out loud while he follows Jongdae to the counter once the performance is over. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are chatting up at one of the tables.

Jongdae makes a confused face, tilting his head to the right. He grabs four cups and fills them with the bottle of soju that Minseok hides at the back of the small fridge.

"Chanyeol. Kyungsoo. The constant pining. I can see that they like each other, you can notice it too"

"Who doesn't"

"And yet, they can't make a move. To be honest, I can't understand those who like someone and don't confess their feelings to them. What's the point in waiting? In doing nothing? The sooner you know if your feelings are reciprocated, the sooner you can love them wholly. And if you aren't, the sooner you can get over them. Am I right?"

_Not at all_, Jongdae mentally disagrees. "It's not that simple." He has the bottle in his hand and stops halfway through the pouring. "There's a, how to say, comforting? Yes, a comforting reassurance in waiting. You can hope, you can dream, you can…" _write them stupid love songs, touch them, desire them in secret._ _Loving can't be a mistake if there aren't any witnesses._

"You could stop the reveries and make them a reality by confessing"

"Ah, but it could also turn into a nightmare if they reject you!" Jongdae exclaims, sounding a bit defensive.

There's a prolonged silence after it. "Have you been rejected?" Yixing asks seconds later.

"No"

"In that case you're one of those who await" he affirms, placing his elbows on the counter and fixing his intense gaze on Jongdae, who shyly busies himself with the bottle again."So, is it? Is it exhausting to crave for someone who's right there and only dream?"

"You have no idea," Jongdae sighs, offering a mirthless smile. "But it's worth it."

"Are they here?" Yixing scans the establishment, from Jongin and Minseok talking in one corner to the remaining audience.

"No, he couldn't come"

"His loss," he replies with a wink, taking two of the cups and walking away.

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

_I'm home_, Jongdae sends to Kyungsoo as he unlocks the door of the house that once belonged to his parents. Well, and that legally and officially still belongs to them.

Stepping inside, he takes note of the lit lamp beside the sofa, the bubbly sound of water being boiled and the humming of an old sad song coming through the closed kitchen door. _He's here_, he writes next, for good measure.

Leaving his shoes at the entrance, he tiptoes his way toward the source of the melody. Jongdae stands in front of Baekhyun. However, Baekhyun’s clearly so immersed in whatever he's preparing with his eyes downcast that it takes him a while to realize he has company.

"You could have sung 남자를 몰라 with me this evening," Jongdae begins at last.

"Shit!" Baekhyun yells tearing the cookies bag apart, all the content falling to the kitchen's floor. "You scared me!"

"But instead you decided to skip it, steal my Oreos and sing it on your own. Thought we were friends…"

"You almost gave me a heart attack. Couldn't you say hi like a normal person?"

"But friends don't sing Buzz all by themselves. Also, excuse you? I'm literally standing right in front of your eyes, isn't that what a normal person does?"

"No. People don't just stay motionless and stare without saying nothing"

Jongdae pouts, silently demanding Baekhyun's attention that goes back and forth between the fallen cookies and Jongdae.

"Sorry," he concedes. "Kyungsoo sent me the videos and you can't imagine how jelly I am. How I regret not going. Hope that alone consoles you"

"Barely,” Jongdae approaches Baekhyun and, consequently, the cookies. He picks one, blows it and throws it into his mouth, satisfyingly chewing. "Why didn't you come?"

He sees Baekhyun shrugging with an innocent smile. Which is suspicious. This time, as he cleans another cookie, his eyes are squinting, doing a thorough check-up on Baekhyun from head to toe. The other hastily moves his arms behind his back. So much for subtlety.

"Show it," Jongdae orders nodding at Baekhyun's hands.

"Wow, isn't my baby straightforward," Baekhyun answers with a naughty smirk.

"I mean show me whatever you're hiding. Your hands. Not your… I wasn't pointing at your… yeah"

Can you blame Jongdae for blushing? Baekhyun's face is sin personified. And his body. Despite wearing Jongdae's Pokemon pajamas. Or Baekhyun's old clothes that Jongdae decided to use as pajamas.

It’s called recycling.

"Oh, but I'm hiding so many things. I have so many secrets," Baekhyun continues getting closer to Jongdae. Their chests just a few centimeters apart. "_Dirty _secrets"

Jongdae's snorts involuntarily, letting a wholehearted guffaw.

Baekhyun follows suit, laughing too. "Too bad?"

"Horrible," Jongdae says still laughing.

"You were acting so shy again," Baekhyun irks, poking at Jongdae's belly who covers it before he starts with the tickling. "Baby can't get used to my flirting even after all this time, can he?"

"Shut up. And tell me why didn't you come. What are you trying to hide from me? Can't you see a lost battle when you see one?"

"I actually do. I can't shut up and tell you at the same time, for example, so please make up your mind"

"Baek"

"Dae"

"I'm about to get angry"

"Oh, let me get my phone to time how long you last this time"

"Baek!"

"Oh, whatever," Baekhyun gives up and shows the fresh wounds on his already-scarred knuckles.

Jongdae makes a move to take the injured hands and examine them, but Baekhyun stops him and raises his shirt, revealing the rest of his bruises.

"I know you. I know you would've been worried and unfocused during tonight’s performance because I got hurt. It's not painful, it's nothing. And hey, remember you said they don't have medical assistance there? Well, they do. More or less. They disinfected my hands with alcohol and helped the other guy by driving him to the hospital. Totally professional and safe"

It's counterproductive to hit someone after they have trusted you. Also to hit someone who's injured. That can be considered immoral. Aggressive. Uncalled for. Over the top. And yet Jongdae’s struggling to not do it.

He should've accompanied him to Sempronio. Of course, he has seen Baekhyun way worse. Those wounds were ridiculous if you ask Jongdae. Still, they're wounds. He should be preoccupied. He is. More about Baekhyun's mental health than anything, of course.

"Are you an idiot?! You told me you wouldn't fight"

"That was my original plan, yes. But I, as the wise man that I am, changed my mind. And fought. And, hear me in capitals, WON"

"Yes, I heard you loud and clear and in capitals: IDIOT"

"You mean congrats. Yes, thank you. You should come next time."

"I'm so done with you." To add strength to that statement, Jongdae bends down and eats another cookie, a clear ‘I’m ignoring you’ gesture.

"I know you're proud, but are you mad too?"

Jongdae takes another one after walking crouched towards it. At the cafeteria, he only drank the stolen soju and ate a bunch of croissants. He's hungry. One could say, one whose name is Baekhyun, that Jongdae's always eating, and they wouldn't be wrong. 

"We're always asking that, but tell me only one moment when we got mad at each other"

"When you kicked a doggie plushy. It was cruel. I felt personally attacked," Baekhyun recalls with a hand on his chest.

"Oh, I remember. I'm sorry,"

"Kicking a defenseless, cute, fluffy, soft doggie… it was basically as if you were kicking me!" he goes on. His voice sounds hurt and Jongdae's tempted to kick _him_ this time.

"Okay, you're going a little overboard there"

"The pain!"

"The drama. Give up boxing, retake theatre. Ask Kyungsoo for a role. The buffoon or something"

"I forgave you only because you're after all a kitty. And I'm…"

"Crazy"

"Wise. You're literally eating cookies from the floor. I can assure you that I'm not the crazy one in this house. You're the one breaking the 5 second rule, not me"

"What can I say, I love to take risks," Jongdae quips chewing on another cookie.

"If it floats your boat… okay now, really, stop. I think that dot on the cookie that you just ate wasn't chocolate"

"What?" Jongdae mumbles, munching happily.

"Nothing, Dae, nothing. Just get up. I want the marathon that you promised me"

Jongdae's sofa holds more history than any other object in his home. It's been a constant presence that collected a potpourri of accidents and facts. There is evidence of some of them, like the wine that he spat the first time he tasted it with six years old. Some others remain invisible, like when he came out in front of his parents.

Among those moments, there's one that’s more meaningful than any other. That has a stupidly precious meaning for Jongdae even if it was something experimental, platonic and, supposedly, unimportant. Here was when Baekhyun first kissed him.

"_It's my duty as your best friend to be the first person that kisses you. That's how much I care for you"_

_"But you wouldn't be the first. Remember Liyin? Long chestnut hair, marble-like skin… "_

_"The first boy, then"_

_"Ah-ah. That would be Ryeowook"_

_"The first after you came out as officially gay?"_

_"That's Kyuhyun"_

_"Wait. What? When? I didn't know that. Okay, I'm starting to feel offended. Now you have to kiss me because I'm the only person that you haven't kissed"_

_"I don't know, Baek. We're best friends, wouldn't it be weird?"_

_"Look, I don't want to force you. If you don't want to, it's okay. Just so you know, maybe we kiss and discover we love each other, that we're made for each other, that you're my one and only…"_

"Dae. Dae, you're spacing out and it's important," Baekhyun says interrupting his memory, poking Jongdae's thigh with his toes.

Baekhyun has wrapped himself in a blanket that covers his body almost completely, except for his frozen toes, hidden under Jongdae’s legs, and his head on the sofa arm. It’s spacious enough for three people, yet somehow Baekhyun has managed to make it tight for just two.

"Can you pass me the remote? I forgot it on the table and I can't move"

Emergency. Right.

With an amused and fond smile, Jongdae removes his own blanket and sits up to take the remote.

"Here you have it, lazy ass." For good measure, Jongdae takes the liberty to mess Baekhyun's hair once he drops the remote on his lap. Consequently, Baekhyun attempts to bite his hand.

He can see them both in the future in this same position with much more years under their belts. The shabby sofa wouldn't be there, the house would be bigger. Because everybody always dreams of bigger houses. Though it wouldn't mind. Not for Jongdae.

He has been living in the same house since he was three years old. A flat, in the center of this noisy, humid and usually leaden city. His parents moved out a couple of years ago to a sunnier place and even asked Jongdae to follow them.

_What nonsense, _he thought back then. To search the sun traveling far away from Baekhyun. The perfect example of an oxymoron.

Jongdae keeps thinking the same. As long as he's with Baekhyun, who cares about the size of his future house. This old one would be enough.

He’s already fond of Baekhyun’s endless rambling that goes on while he flicks between channels. With the scattering jokes here and there, the puffs that some politicians provoke him, the humming of commercial songs.

"Remember when we kissed on this sofa?" Jongdae lets it out. He watches Baekhyun. There's no surprise, no blush.

"The first time or the second? I really hope you don't mean the first one. It was such a mess. Bless me for proposing a second one later to make it up to you"

It aches to reminisce both of those kisses. It feels like agony to imagine a third, a fourth, a lot more kisses that never happened.

Jongdae’s conversation with Yixing resurfaces inside his head. He _really _did try to confess to Baekhyun before. Jongdae waits and hopes and dreams, yes. However, he gets hurt on the fly too. Obviously, during all those years, he has tried to confess.

And it has always been in vain.

"The first then?" Baekhyun asks, unburying his feet under Jongdae’s thighs and stretching his legs up on the other's lap. "What? Feeling nostalgic? Old?" he continues when there's no answer, interlacing his fingers behind his nape and grinning.

"Should I?" Jongdae's eyes try not to meet Baekhyun's, occupying himself by folding the other's pants' cuffs. "I'm always doing the same. Dressing the same way. Having the same hobbies. Visiting the same places. Meeting the same people. With no biggies, no risks are taken” At some point, his demeanor turns gloomy. “As if the years don't pass through me. Should I feel older?"

Even though his eyes are focused somewhere else, Jongdae sees Baekhyun throwing his blanket away. In a second, he's engulfing Jongdae in a hug.

"The routine’s good as long as you're content and happy with it," he says against his hair.

"I know we have talked about it before" Jongdae's body loosens up, melting into Baekhyun's.

"And?"

"Don't want to bother you again with it. I wasn't really thinking about it. I just…," he sighs. His head buried in Baekhyun's shoulder. He rubs his nose against it. Involuntarily. "I'm a little tired, I suppose"

How could he confess and risk the most precious thing in his life? His Baekhyunee? He stands with what he said to Yixing earlier. Loving Baekhyun can be exhausting, but damn Jongdae if it's not worth it.

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

One of the disadvantages of visiting Sempronio bar before the setting sun is that Jongdae can observe the amount of dirt that reigns in the sleazy bar. Which encompasses the dust layer over the crystal windows, the mud-covered floor and the defaced walls. Not to mention, the overused mugs.

"Romantic," he concedes. If you ignore the aforementioned, which Jongdae was doing at the beginning. His eyes appreciating Baekhyun's ass and thighs stuffed inside his leather pants and not the place. Certainly, a scheme made by his best friend to distract him. "Breathtaking. What a splendid place to have a date. 5/5 would recommend. Now, let's go back home"

The first floor, where they're at the moment, is nothing but an after office. Firm and bank workers fill every nook and cranny, their spotless suits contrasting with the tacky bar.

Jongdae feels self-conscious. He's actually in his normal attire, jeans and a white shirt. It can be considered even 'casual business' if you stretch the concept long enough. Now, Baekhyun?

"Didn't you come here thrice since that first time? Don't you know about the dress code?" The amount of people checking Baekhyun from head-to-toe is alarming. “Imagine that they chase us out because of it. Oh, no, that would be horrible! Better go home before we embarrass ourselves in front of all these fancy people”

"This isn't our final destination Chill," he screams right into Jongdae's ear who winces and hits him in return.

Chill, he says with those tiny, tight, evil pants. The nerve.

Baekhyun holds Jongdae’s hand, leading him among the crowd towards one of the emergency doors that ends in a side-street. He’s turning around more times than not and sending stupid smiles at Jongdae. Moving his stupid shoulders at the rhythm of the music and wrinkling those horrible eyes of his while wiggling.

Jongdae is nothing but chill, really.

At the other side of the side-street, two badass security guards obstruct another entrance for a few seconds, until Baekhyun tells them something that Jongdae can’t understand.

You see, Baekhyun spoke while winking at Jongdae who wasn’t prepared for it. So Jongdae couldn’t focus on the exchanged words.

Sadly, they got in.

Inside, punk rock music blares through the speakers, unable to baffle the sound from the jamboree. There are fresnel lanterns that illuminate the center of a circle where two fighters are fighting on a ring and various leather couches at one of the corners, with the bar at the other side.

"Let's grab something to drink and mingle!" Baekhyun says. Jongdae squeezes his hand in affirmation.

Jumping onto a stool, Jongdae lets Baekhyun ask for their drinks while he looks around. He recognizes some people, Seong and his normally inconspicuous henchmen among them. There's also a few sparring partners and seldom opponents that fought in the past against Baekhyun.

"Do we really have to socialize?"

"Yep." Baekhyun pops his "p" like he pops open his beer: merciless. As if he doesn't realize that Jongdae's temperature increases because of him. Has Jongdae pointed out that Baekhyun's also sleeveless?

The offenses Baekhyun commit are endless.

He has to physically force his face to focus on the ring and stop admiring (more like drool over) Baekhyun's arms.

"Wanna fight there?"

Jongdae chugs half of his beer. "Of course I don't. I've been looking at the bout for only a couple of seconds and I've already witnessed how that guy got his balls punched"

"Well, the first rule is there are no rules. This isn’t boxing. You can punch whatever you wish"

"Thought the first rule is '_you do not talk about Fight Club'"_

Baekhyun flicks Jongdae’s forehead. "This is better than that. They have a ring. That's a synonym of class, high standard. This is a top-notch bar"

Jongdae certainly thought the place would be more like a den than a club. He could've been prejudging it. Now, top-notch is too much. He’s about to say it out loud when a random guy slaps Baekhyun's back, who turns and smiles in return.

"Dae, this is Luca. Luca, my best friend and trainer"

"Enchanted," Jongdae rushes offering his hand to avoid any slap.

"Are you betting tonight, Baek? There are some amateurs this evening, a couple of professionals. Have you heard of Kim Chan Woo? He's a slugger. Some compare him to George Foreman when he was in his mid-twenties? A fucking punching machine. And Wooyoung? I think you know that one, don't ya? Who knows, maybe this time his victory can have some benefit for you"

"Very funny, really, very funny. I only bring a bundle of one thousand, though. Do you have some, Dae?"

Not for this. Betting?

He stares at Baekhyun. There must be something wrong with his telepathy because his usually effective psico-communication isn't working. It's hard to say 'no' verbally. He believed his best friend would get it without words.

What a scam of friendship.

"I'm returning it, I swear," Baekhyun says. Jongdae taps at the bottle he's holding, deciding to give it another shot before picking his wallet.

"Only once"

Jongdae has a whole lecture about the risks of betting ready for Baekhyun once Luca leaves. However, it doesn’t happen. The stranger takes a stool and starts chit-chatting with Baekhyun on his other side. It goes on for a long time, during which he just receives a lopsided smile from his best friend and a reassuring squeeze on his thigh.

Soon, other acquaintances appear.

There's Junmyeon who seems as out of place as Jongdae feels. He could be part of the multitude upstairs, with his half unbuttoned shirt and a pair of chinos. Instead, he's here nourishing himself with chips and red wine, with his godlike face distorted into a frown.

It's too soon in their relationship of perfect strangers to begin to intrude on his personal problems, so Jongdae silently just let him eat most of the chips, only stealing a couple from time to time.

There's also Sung-Kil doppelganger who jokes with Baekhyun as if they were old friends, stupidly joking about his physical proximity with Jongdae and instead of calling Baekhyun by his name, he refers to him as Bark-hyun. It receives an overwhelming silence each time, but luckily he leaves soon.

There's also Jung-Joo doppelganger, whose spectrum of words goes from onomatopoeias to monosyllables. A true feat.

Then, Jongdae gets to meet Lin. From the gym. The reason why Baekhyun and he are here. And he has to confess that the guy doesn't look like a bad one, just a lost one. One of those people with excessive excitement but with dull eyes that look everywhere and focus on nowhere. As if he's tired despite being full of energy.

Lin runs off with his mouth, his legs moving up and down and touching Jongdae's arm demanding his attention. He seems eager for Jongdae's input, but when Jongdae speaks it’s like he doesn't listen at all. Lin goes on, talking and skipping from one topic to another, all of them with a sorrowful, hopeless tint.

"Years ago, we were getting the best awards, winning medals at the Olympics, being in everyone's topic when discussing boxing along with the Mexicans. But now, we're poor athletes living at the shadow of their glorious inheritance. We don't have time nor money. We have to juggle multiple jobs so we can dedicate ourselves to boxing. You're Baekhyun's trainer and you have other jobs, don’t ya?" Jongdae has a nanosecond to nod. "And if he's not working, it's because of his parents,” he says pointing at Baekhyun. “The asshole is a lucky guy. And yet, he's not on the top three of Korea." This time, Jongdae threatens to interrupt him, not liking the word he used for Baekhyun. But once again, Lin keeps talking, completely unaware. "I guess this is all part of the fucking capitalist scheme"

"Big words," Junmyeon cuts in sipping calmly his wine.

"Oh, but also _true_ words. I'm exhausted, man. Aren't you too? Babysitting Sehun, being his trainer and his sugar daddy all at the same time. Aren't you exhausted from all the multitasking?"

Junmyeon's expression changes into an unfriendly one. "Take that back"

"No, no. That's the thing. We can bear everything. Multiple underpaid jobs, broken noses, dislocated shoulders. I have had a total of three dislocated shoulders during my short career! Being prejudged and scorned by this joke of society, fucking unfaithful sluts that just want the little money you have. We withstand all of that. But we can't stand the truth"

It's only then that Jongdae realizes his position. Lin at his right, Junmyeon about to punch him right in front of Jongdae. Imperceptibly, he hops on his stool trying to move it closer to Baekhyun, the safer zone.

"Why can't you accept out loud your relationship with Sehun? It's not like we care. I'm not…" Lin doesn’t continue. His eyes get blurry and he stands up waving his arm to a new person that joins them soon after.

Seong.

"Right in time! I have provisions, and the key to shutting up this bitch,” the newcomer says pointing to Lin. “Oh, a new fawn," he adds when he realizes Jongdae’s presence. "So your Excellency finally decided to mix with the plebe, ugh?"

Jongdae scowls, not knowing where that nickname came from. Baekhyun's hand abandons Jongdae's thigh, encircling his shoulders instead.

"You aren't the most welcoming group, Seong. You can't blame us. Only five minutes since Jongdae knows them and these two are ready to throw hands," Baekhyun friendly says.

"I'm not part of this fucking group," Junmyeon corrects, emptying the glass of wine and marching with his frown back on.

"That little one can't face the truth. Did I lie? Luca, you know them and know their weird affair, did I fucking lie?"

Being fair with Luca, the kid looked scared, so the negative answer could be a product of it. Seong just laughs, enjoying the tense atmosphere. It reminds Jongdae why he always maintained the distance with him. He looks like a jerk and he’s proving to be one, too.

Lin, still beside Jongdae, gives a tentative grin to his friend, rubbing his nose against his palm. "Can we start already, Seong?"

"Yep. You both coming?" Seong is clearly talking to both Jongdae and Baekhyun, but he's also winking so Jongdae's questions his own guess.

Probably sensing his confusion, Seong proceeds to show a small plastic bag inside his pocket with salt in it.

Is that supposed to be explanatory? Jongdae turns to Baekhyun, in case his friend had understood it. The other's demeanor, however, is now nervous. Baekhyun hastily covers Seong's hand with his own, making him hide the bag again.

"Are you crazy?" There's an edge in Baekhyun's voice, desperation, that Jongdae doubts if he’s imagining it, not used to it.

"Okay, okay. Calm down. And you?" Seong asks Jongdae directly.

"Me… what?"

"He's not into that," Baekhyun answers, stepping in between Seong and Jongdae.

"Oh, of course, Mister Right doesn't do coke"

It takes two to three seconds for Jongdae to comprehend the situation. Meanwhile, Baekhyun is yelling something at Seong. It sounds like he's defending Jongdae because he hears him saying his name, but Jongdae can't pinpoint how or why.

_He's not into that?_ Baekhyun has said. "He". Not "we". Except that Jongdae is Baekhyun's best friend and of course he, as such, should know if Baekhyun is doing coke or not. And he's not. Granted, Jongdae isn't the smartest but we're talking about Baekhyun. He would have caught up on that.

What are the signs and symptoms of doing coke? The nose. Runny nose or red nose or touching his nose like a maniac. Baekhyun has a runny nose, but usually when he eats something spicy. That's all. Jongdae needed to check more signs, clearly, the nose one wasn't enough to foretell.

Jongdae’s brain keeps working fast, now trying to spot why would Baekhyun do drugs. If he did. It must have a trigger. Was he stressed? Did he overwork and was feeling exhausted?

Within these last few days, they only had five hours of training each day. The routines were relaxed, nothing that could induce him to be stressed. If talking about Baekhyun's love life, the last person he brought home was that chick two weeks ago. For Jongdae, she was unnamed, which means that Baekhyun didn't even mention her in their conversations aka she wasn’t important enough to cause him stress.

Another sphere was the family. Baekhyun gets along with both his mother and his father, even though they've been separated for two years now. They both know that Baekhyun was bisexual, so it's not like they found out now and disowned him. Otherwise, if you ask Jongdae, they were great. Loving, caring, prone to pampering Baekhyun giving him monthly pay. They didn't even importunate Baekhyun with settling down.

Why would Baekhyun do it then? Unless… he wasn't. Maybe Jongdae misunderstood.

"Want to go home? I feel like getting out of here," Baekhyun says.

They're alone now. Alone in this sea of strangers because they’re still at the bar. Seong, Lin and Luca must have left while Jongdae was lost inside his head. They’re gone and, most importantly, that bag is gone too. A bag that wasn’t filled with fucking salt.

_Aren't you an idiot, Jongdae? _he scolds himself.

"I-I think so," he mutters, still trying to assimilate these last few minutes.

Baekhyun's hand surprises him, brushing Jongdae's bangs away from his forehead. An action that turns into a caress. Running through Jongdae's cheek and jaw.

"I'll explain it once we're out of here. But there's nothing to worry about, okay?"

Once again, Jongdae feels his heart do whatever it wants, pondering hard and fast because of Baekhyun’s sweet gesture. He wants to yell at him, not to melt at his touch.

_Nothing to worry about?! Have you been taking drugs?!_ It goes on mute.

Baekhyun grabs Jongdae's hand, leading him back to the exit, retaking the path they made earlier.

"I know what you're about to say," Baekhyun says when they're finally on the street.

Jongdae's not a romantic guy. He doesn't mirror his feelings with the weather. Nevertheless, he can't help but notice that his messy insides seem projected into the atmosphere, with its untamable wind and fragile drizzle. Taking the lapels of his coat, Jongdae tries to avoid both.

"I doubt it," he whispers.

"_I told you so_. That's what you were about to say, weren't you? And you're right. You warned me against Seong and his squad. Lin is a good guy, I’m 100% sure about that. A lonely soul with lots of addictions, but that doesn't make you a bad person _per se_. However, that Seong guy… yep, you were right. Not a nice specimen"

Jongdae stops in his tracks. It's easier to breathe when the wind doesn't freeze his larynx. When he's calmer. "Baekhyun." He doesn't feel like doing stupid small talk. "Did you do coke or any other drug?"

"Well, if you remember correctly _we_ did, back in high school and once in college, right? Mari—"

"Baekhyun," Jongdae’s voice is low, hard and it has the same effect as a scream.

"I… can we not talk about this in the middle of the street? Your house is closer, let's go there. And if you don't hate me too much, I could spend the night there, too”

Jongdae sighs as Baekhyun strides ahead.

"Baek," he calls again. He offers his hand and Baekhyun takes it, offering a tiny little cute smile while hiding his eyes behind his bangs. ‘_If you don’t hate me too much_’. As if!

Once they arrive, Jongdae sits on the floor. To a stranger, that means nothing. To them, it means that even while eating kimchi with rice, he's _en garde_ and while Baekhyun’s adorable, Jongdae is serious about this.

"I didn’t take it," Baekhyun finally says. Jongdae tries to hold his stern posture, though deep inside he’s relieved. "But I did taste it"

"But… Why?” Jongdae’s at lost and he can’t stop himself. “Why would you do it? Is something bothering you? Stressing you? Do you feel worn out? We can slow down our practices. The first bout is this Friday. We can step down, wait a little longer while you get in shape. Are the workouts alright? Perhaps they’re too hard. I'm your trainer but first I'm your friend if you need me to change the routines, to look for new sparring partners, just tell me, okay? Or is it your landlord? Do you have problems with the rent? I know you can ask your parents for financial help but if you don't want to, you can move in here with me, you know. My parents almost never stay at home for more than one day when they visit me, you can keep their bed. They wouldn't mind. I don't mind. If…"

"Shh, come here" Jongdae looks up to Baekhyun who's patting the place next to him on the sofa. He remains immobile, nervous. Baekhyun calls his name once more and Jongdae gets up rushing to the sofa and to him.

He feels the worst friend ever right now for not realizing that his best friend was dealing with a big problem, big enough to make him get in contact with drugs. He feels awful.

"I was just curious," Baekhyun confesses with Jongdae's head on his shoulder.

"Curious?"

"Yeah. Simple as that. I'm alright. I have a great life and the bestest friend ever," he continues, kissing the top of Jongdae's head, "and Seong offered me some cocaine the other time when I went and I…well, I thought why not. Just one time. To see how it works, how it tastes, how I feel"

"So there's nothing wrong with your life?"

Baekhyun chuckles. "I mean, my mum told me she's going to sell my childhood home and my dad told me again that I better win something or I will have to change my job. My brother is insufferable these days because my nephew doesn't let him sleep a wink. There's this guy winning all the championships in Korea and I'm fighting against him this week and it makes me nervous as shit. And yes, my landlord told me that the rent will be quarterly, so maybe I take you up on your offer and move in with you, you're still on time if you want to back up, though"

Jongdae raises his head at that, staring at Baekhyun's flawless face up close.

"I won't. I meant it. If you need to move in, you're welcome," he says content with the eye smile he receives.

Baekhyun keeps his gaze on him, sending a shiver that goes down through Jongdae's whole body as his brain screams 'intimate moment!!’

"And my love life sucks a little," Baekhyun goes on, still staring at him.

"Didn't work with that girl?" Jongdae asks innocently, blinking at him to demonstrate oh, how innocent he is, how he’s not glad at all that it didn’t work.

"Nop"

"Oh"

"Neither the guy before her, and the other guy before them, and… I don't even remember the rest, but yeah, no one seems to work"

"I'm sorry." Jongdae has to bites his lips to prevent them from smiling. "But I'm sure you're going to find someone ideal for you." And that person is him, Jongdae. But that's for Baekhyun to find out. If he ever stops looking at him like that. "Soon," he adds, trying to get some reply from Baekhyun. It's a little unsettling the whole staring without blinking. He hopes Baekhyun's not wearing his contacts because Jongdae can't remember the last time he put on some makeup. He’s probably baggy-eyed and his skin must be oily as usual.

"Jongdae," Baekhyun whines, hiding his face on his palms and, finally, looking away.

"Well, sooner or later. Considering your curriculum, probably when you're gray-haired but, hey! Didn't we find you the other day not two but three grey hairs? You're on the right track, Baek"

"You're exasperating, I swear. At which point did I…"

"I'm not exasperating. What I am is famished. Gonna get some yogurt with cereals, want something?"

"We just had dinner"

"Exactly. And after all this serious and adult talk, it's time for snack time. Something?"

"I don't know. Do you have those minuscule white grains… how is it called?" Jongdae crosses his arms, feigning to be annoyed. "Oh, yeah, do you have sugar?"

"What I do have is cucumbers. Lots. In case you're_ curious_ again and want to try something you're not used to"

"That's cruel"

"The day you find that love of your life, I'm gonna feed them cucumber," Jongdae threatens. _So you can't kiss them_, he thinks. What a brilliant plan.

"If he's the love of my life and likes cucumber, I will have to make some concessions"

"Or she or they. It could be they." Not in Jongdae's dreams but being realistic and masochist, it can be.

Baekhyun grins fondly, biting his lower lip and shaking his head. "Whatever you say. Bring me a plain yogurt, please, with sugar if you have it"

"If I have it,” Jongdae repeats. “You must be joking. I have my kitchen full of sugar packets because of you. One day you're gonna have to bail me out of prison for stealing too many sugar packets," Jongdae says stopping one last time at the door frame. He shouldn't ask this. Yet… "Baek?"

Baekhyun hums.

"How did it make you feel?"

"What?" Baekhyun’s usually cheerful voice turns pissed.

_Yeaks_. He shouldn't have asked.

"No, listen," Jongdae tries to explain. "You did it because you were curious but there's a lot of people who try it to be more productive. My brother told me some of his colleagues do it at the consultancy"

"Your brother's colleagues are idiots. And I’m an idiot. You don't. So don't even feel in the slightly curious about…"

"I'm not gonna try it. I'm curious, but I always play it safe, you know that. If a simple leaf can activate your schizophrenic tendencies, I don't want to know what coke can provoke. I just want an indirect testimony"

"Leave it. I'm not telling you"

"Oh. So you can satisfy your curiosity but I can't?" Baekhyun stands up, walking towards Jongdae with one of his wicked smiles. "What are you planning?"

"Nothing," the lie easily rolls off Baekhyun’s tongue as he steps inside Jongdae's comfort zone. "I just realized I didn't tell you how hot you look today"

"I know what you're doing. I'm not going to get distracted, you can try to flirt—Don't touch my ear, you know I have sensitive ears—No, my Adam's apple, either. Baek! I need space to breathe!"

"Always wearing those sweatpants and baggy trousers. I almost forget how nice your legs look in skinny jeans"

"I-I wore them yesterday too," Jongdae mumbles shyly, his back against the frame. That didn't sound right. "Because they weren't dirty," he tries to amend.

"And this see-through shirt, hinting how tiny your waist is under it"

"We-we bought it together!"

"Oh, yes, we did. I remember. In September of this past year, while spending the birthday money that your aunt gave you"

"You have the most useless memory I know"

"Is it useless to remember everything about you?"

Okay, now that’s a justifiable reason to blush.

"Technically," Jongdae gets to say. A little breathless. His eyes are a little unfocused because Baekhyun's presence is everywhere. "You didn't remember my birthday. Twice." That made Baekhyun step back.

“How can you be so resentful.” Jongdae shrugs, but his face betrays him breaking into a smile. “Even if I did forget, which I didn't cause I perfectly know when is your birthday, it was meant to happen. We have been friends for too long. The odds are that we forget it at least once"

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “If it helps you sleep at night. Back to my question, Baek, how it made you feel? Real answer"

"In general, I felt invigorated, full of energy and with all the coloured lights that were on and all those people around me, it… it was weird. I can’t really explain it. And as fast as the effects hit me, soon they were gone and I slept for fifteen hours straight. That was all. Anything else?"

“Are you going to try them again?” Jongdae asks with a small concerned voice.

Baekhyun cocks his head to one side. “I promise you I won’t,” he says kissing his cheek.

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

Jongdae can’t forget about the cocaine incident (if it can be referred to as such). However, he sends it to the deepest part of his brain and carries on with his life without spending a second thought in it, occupying himself with other matters.

One of the most reiterative issues of society nowadays is the disturbing tendency to focus on someone else's problem instead of your own ones. It’s exactly what Jongdae does. In his defense, bringing Chanyeol and Kyungsoo together, with Yixing as his accomplice, is way easier than to fight for a romantic relationship between him and Baekhyun.

Ever since their first live performance, two more have been held and they've even met outside of the cafeteria twice. They being Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, Yixing and Jongdae himself. It's after one of this get-together that a keen Chanyeol invites them to his studio, eager to share with them some of his latest works and to practice new songs to play on the next show.

That's how Jongdae finds himself wrapped in a blanket on the floor of Chanyeol's studio.

Kyungsoo has long fallen asleep, his cheek against the wooden of Chanyeol's guitar and his small body huddled to Chanyeol’s. Even asleep, Chanyeol is _loud_. Mumbling incoherent noises, accidentally hitting the wall with his moving hands and even sniggering like he’s dreaming something hilarious.

Jongdae has the tendency to pull an all-nighter to compose whenever his muse makes their appearance, writing under the light of his adjustable lamp with the only companion of his thoughts and the celestial bodies. This time, however, his hand has craved for a pen while contemplating how cozy and endearing Chanyeol and Kyungsoo look together.

"Can I confess that I'm utterly enraptured by your songs?" Yixing whispers.

After writing a rough draft of a composition, Jongdae has handed it over to Yixing, who is reading it now.

"You could and I wouldn't believe you"

"Listen to me, Jongdae. I barely know you… wipe that pout off your face. It's true. We aren't friends, not yet. We're the side effects of a dumb relationship, in which one is blind," he says pointing at Chanyeol, "and the other is blinder," he then nods at Kyungsoo whose body seems to gravitate towards Chanyeol. "So I have no reason to lie to you to make you feel better. So when I say this song is amazing, that you, as a composer, are amazing, I'm not lying"

Noticing how Jongdae averts his gaze, Yixing gets up and takes a seat in front of the piano, improvising a melody while rereading Jongdae's composition.

"This is the first time I let someone read one of my songs. Someone who’s not Baekhyun"

This time, it’s Jongdae’s turn to confess. He doesn't need to clarify who Baekhyun is anymore. Of course, after so many meetings, his crush on Baekhyun has appeared more than just a few times.

"Is it easier because you're not conveying your feelings but talking about someone else's?" Yixing asks curious, fingers not halting from playing.

"Could be. Also, because you're a stranger"

"Woah, now I should be the one feeling hurt"

Jongdae beams at him. "No, it's like you said. We're side effects, acquaintances. There's no reason to lie nor power to be hurt either. Telling a friend about your inner thoughts, considering how deeply well they know you, is giving them that power. I don't think that Kyungsoo would be cruel, gods, he's probably the best person I know. But he's so down to earth, so critical with himself, so strict with himself that I'm afraid that he could be like that with my songs too. I wouldn't mind if we're talking about anything else but my songs…"

"Are like your babies? I feel you there. Like, maybe you got the ugliest one in the world. However, they're still yours to love," Yixing declares, turning finally, mirroring Jongdae's candor.

"Well, yes," Jongdae laughs silently. "Though, that's not what I was gonna say actually. Here's the thing with what I do… even Baekhyun has a difficult time understanding this: I compose and I sing because I'm human. It's like breathing. I don't want the pressure of composing to refrain me from enjoying. I don't want to have commissions or payments in return, nor deadlines. Sharing it with others is trying to live up to their expectations, unwillingly. People spend their lives searching for the best jobs, trying to earn more money than they need, looking for what goal to achieve. The reason? All that are meant to be the sources of their future happiness. That’s why I don't have a LinkedIn and I'm not subscribed to one of this webs to look for jobs. That's why I'm still living at my parents' house and that's why I don't have a purpose in life except living. Because I already have found the sources of my present and future happiness… sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you all this"

"I understand," Yixing mumbles, nodding at Jongdae to reassure him that he's more than happy to be the receptor of his thoughts.

"Because you're a composer too. You're a stranger so you can't hurt me, you're a composer so you can even empathize with me"

"What if your source of happiness is simultaneously your source of income?"

Jongdae cracks up, waking Kyungsoo who stretches on the floor rubbing his cheek that is now marked by the guitar.

"Yixing! Are you sure you understood what I told you?"

"I did, I did. But you never know if what in the present seems enough, could be enough in the future too. You're talking about Baekhyun and music, right? Those are the things that bring you joy"

"Am I that easy to read?"

"I would say monothematic"

"Hey!" Jongdae reprimands, though there's no lie in Yixing's words.

"What I want you to understand is that nothing is everlasting, so we have to make the most of everything. I love music, I love singing and composing and playing instruments, that's why I have a professional studio back in China and I've been writing songs and selling them to artists for a couple of years now. Squeeze those sources of happiness as if they were oranges, make them more beneficial"

"Easier said than done. How—"

"Let's co-write a song. I don't have many fans in Korea, yet, but imagine if we compose a song together in two languages, yours and mine, combining our abilities. Both of us can take advantage of that sinergy"

"I—No, I don't—," Jongdae begins. His voice starts fading as he fidgets more, his nerves creeping on him. "And release our song? Share our music?"

"Exactly! In China and here. Like I said people may don’t recognize us here for the time being, but there's nowhere that an online video can't go"

"That would be great." Kyungsoo hasn't moved from his seat on the floor, except for his hand which is now stroking Chanyeol's hair, but he has been clearly listening to them. "You could try it, Jongdae. For now, it's only a song. And you always compose alone, it can help you learn more about music, about other artists that are similar to you and even about yourself"

Jongdae stares at Kyungsoo. At Kyungsoo’s hand absentmindedly stroking Chanyeol’s hair, earning a contented sigh from the overgrown sleeping puppy. In a short time, the lovebirds are now getting used to touching each other if they wish to. The scene should have been celebratory for Jongdae, but his mind is reeling with Yixing’s offer and Kyungsoo’s wise words.

"Is this the rational Kyungsoo that you were talking about before?" Yixing cuts in, receiving an imperceptible nod from Jongdae. "Maybe you should listen to him. We could include a get-out clause in the contract in case you want to stop earlier. And if you don't want to show it later to the world, I promise I won't mind, I will respect your opinion"

"I need to think about it”

Jongdae is an independent being whose important decisions depends always on somebody else's verdict. It’s not contradicting. He needs some reassurance.

They don’t bring up the topic anymore for the rest of their stay, changing to another one until they have to bid their farewells. Once on the street, Jongdae's feet lead him towards Baekhyun's house.

It's late at night and too soon in the morning, but that's how their friendship works. He knows that Baekhyun's going to welcome him without minding the hour and that, after some complaining, he’s going to let Jongdae talk and spend the night at his house.

Jongdae doesn’t usually abuse this privilege, but he can’t wait until tomorrow to see Baekhyun. His body is full of energy and his mind is overflowing with excitement and nervousness. To write a song with somebody else, to make money out of it…it's insane and scary. He has to speak to Baekhyun soon, so he calls him before reaching the other’s home.

Strangely, Baekhyun salutes him with a vocalized 'Good morning' and not the mumbling Jongdae was expecting. Which means that even if it's three in the morning, he’s still awake.

Going straight to the point, Jongdae tells him about this afternoon, about the possibility of co-writing a song in two languages with Yixing and releasing it.

Baekhyun’s answer is a never-ending scream. Jongdae laughs excited, though deep inside he pities Baekhyun’s neighbors.

"Dae," Baekhyun says after the yell. "Oh God. Dae!!! This is so great!. And what did you say?"

"That I need time to think about it"

"Because it's too good to be true?"

"Because I don't know if that’s for me," Jongdae corrects. "I'm happy with my life at the moment, you know"

"Not to be the person who tells you this but…," Baekhyun lowers his voice as if he’s sharing a secret, "…you could be happier. There's no limit for happiness. Imagine waking me up tomorrow with a chocolate cup. Am I happy now? Damn right I am and more after this great news, that would mean that cup wouldn't make me happier? Wrong!"

"You're an idiot." Though Jongdae’s who is smiling like one, in the middle of the street in the wee hours of the night.

"You could accept the proposal and later just bail out if you don't feel like it. And if that Yixing guy doesn't treat you right or value your songs, call me and I'll kick his flat ass, yeah? If I had to go to jail for you, I would"

"You would and you already did. I don’t need a second time, thank you. It may sound romantic in your head, but I almost had a heart attack when you called me saying you had been arrested for trying to steal that humongous lion plushy"

"Well, you told me you wanted that thing. _You _were the instigator"

"I wanted us to gain it by hitting the bulls-eye with our arrows! That hardly means asking you to jump on the poor street vendor's back and climb the shelves to get the plushy!"

"Ah, the things I do for you. Truest love, I tell you. Now, back to Yixing's offer…accept it. Please. You know, boxers don't have a long career. I have to live off you later if I retire early" Baekhyun stops talking while Jongdae snickers. "Being serious, I think it’s the best for you. You don't know what the future holds. Maybe tomorrow you can't be my trainer anymore, maybe Minseok leaves Korea and moves to China with his husband, closing the cafeteria. This is a great opportunity in your professional career. And I know you, Dae, I know you love composing and I know you'll find more joy sharing your songs with the world"

There's a static moment. Jongdae's steps echoing on the wet asphalt, still making his way to Baekhyun's place. He can already see the other's flat in the distance.

Everybody’s repeating how ephemeral Jongdae’s actual happiness is. Yixing earlier, now Baekhyun. They're probably right and he knows Baekhyun wants the best for him. He actually could accept it, setting some conditions in case he doesn’t feel uncomfortable sharing his compositions.

"Stop hoarding the bed sheet," Jongdae hears Baekhyun say suddenly.

"How am I supposed to do that from the street?"

"Ignore that, I was talking with another… if you're cold, grab the blanket that’s on the sofa"

Jongdae stops in his tracks. "Is that a girl voice I hear in the background?"

"Ugh, sorry Dae, Minzu is here and…There, it wasn't that difficult, was it?" Baekhyun begins, then his voice gets distanced, clearly talking with the other person.

"Minzu?"

Oh, shit. He feels so stupid. There’s been a girl there with Baekhyun all this time?

Jongdae’s beaming smile turns into a mirthless one, before disappearing completely.

"Mmm, I think you know her," Baekhyun says at the end of the other line, oblivious to Jongdae’s gloomy humor.

"Hi!" the girl's voice startles him, causing Jongdae to move his phone a few centimeters away from his ear. "I’m the girl on who you hopped a few days ago," she says cheerfully, a bit too much for Jongdae’s liking.

"Sorry for disturbing you, I thought Baekhyun was alone. I didn't mean to interrupt…"

"Oh, no, no, don't apologize. If someone disturbed me, it’s Baekhyunee here with all his screaming"

"You don’t have to apologize, Dae!" he hears from afar.

There's a name for the girl who spent the night a few days ago, who is spending the night again and who, as well, has an endearing nickname for Baekhyun. He feels sick.

_This is the thing with happiness_, Jongdae thinks gazing at Baekhyun's flat, at the fourth floor, the exact window that belongs to Baekhyun's room where he is now with somebody else. _After all, the others were right... it's transient_.

"I should hang up now," Jongdae says. He can't cry here. It's so damn pathetic.

"Wait, are you gonna—," Baekhyun's sentence is cut before he can finish it.

Jongdae turns around, returns his phone to his pocket and changes his direction. The sigh he lets out is quivery and sounds so loud in the middle of the deafening silence. He feels his eyes prickle with unshed tears.

For one moment, he wants to slap himself. This is not the first time that he's reminded what kind of relationship he has with Baekhyun. He has cried enough times in his life because of what he can't have. How many more times does he need to cry in order to stop being in love?

What if Minzu is the one for Baekhyun? Jongdae would have to say goodbye to one of his actual sources of happiness. He wouldn't give up being his coach, but knowing that before and after each training, each match, Baekhyun's going back to her and not to Jongdae…it would be more like a new source of suffering.

He could get over him… The mere thought almost makes Jongdae laugh humorlessly. Right, getting over Baekhyun. He can lie to himself and hope for it, as if he hadn't been trying for way too long. He can’t even remember himself not loving Baekhyun.

Jongdae takes his phone again.

Maybe it's about time to find another origin for his felicity.

_I'm in, _Jongdae types. _Are you free tomorrow night?,_ he sends to Yixing as he walks back home.

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

The next day, Jongdae makes the mistake of going over the events from last night. As if his bed had bestowed him the strength and bravery that he was lacking in the streets yesterday.

He's ready to get dressed, hoist himself up and walk back to Baekhyun's flat. Not to tell him anything. Much less confess his feelings. Jongdae simply wants to take a look at that girl, Minzu, and check if she's important enough for Baekhyun that it makes her capable of inflicting any pain in Jongdae.

As expected, he does nothing of it. Today is fight day. In less than an hour, Jongdae has to be at the gym, and he's already late. Besides, Yixing is messaging him and he has to reply back.

So in reality, Jongdae doesn't have the time nor the courage this morning. Instead, he has a plethora of excuses.

Once he arrives at the gym where the bout is going to occur, Jongdae sees Baekhyun at the corner talking with some enthusiastic amateurs. He has a headband on, askew and badly placed, and he's playing with his necklace. One that Jongdae gave him years ago and that Baekhyun wears during all his fights. They are separated by various meters, by dozens of people chit-chatting and moving and yet, Baekhyun turns towards Jongdae as if he knew he was there with a smile plastered on his face making Jongdae feel immediately better.

He runs and jumps into Jongdae’s arms, making him stumble because of the sheer force and Jongdae’s too busy enjoying the other’s welcome that he has some difficulty remembering the girl’s name.

When Baekhyun begins to tell him how early he woke up, that he only slept for three hours, that he's ready to win this bout. And he starts bouncing and fighting an invisible person, exaggerating his moves. Jongdae can simply guffaw besotted, unable to think about the phone call.

If one day, Baekhyun appears holding hands with someone that it’s not Jongdae. If he does so with a smile on his face. If he's happy and the other person respects Baekhyun and loves him at least half as much as Jongdae loves him. If that happens, Jongdae won’t be sad. Not truly. Not if Jongdae has a happy Baekhyun beside him.

And he realizes all that while Baekhyun asks him about Yixing’s offer and discovers that Jongdae accepted last night, rewarding him with a big fat smile.

Jongdae has just arrived and he already feels guilty for being jealous earlier. A feeling that he palliates by inviting Baekhyun to one of his composing sessions with Yixing.

"It's only fair,” he tells Baekhyun while they walk up to the ring. “You introduced me to your friends the other night at Sempronio. It's only fair for me to introduce you to my next workmate. Hopefully, you can also meet Kyungsoo's future boyfriend” 

Baekhyun’s bright expression means that Jongdae has done the right thing by inviting him and, in case that’s not revealing enough, Baekhyun rambling about how proud Jongdae makes him is.

And that’s when Jongdae realizes a second thing in a short period of time. That Yixing and Baekhyun were wrong the other day. Sometimes, a source of happiness can be infinite. 

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

But it doesn't mean that such happiness is constant.

It's the third composing session with Yixing, but the first one that there's someone else in the studio beside them. Baekhyun, however, makes himself feel at home. Walking around, asking like the curious puppy that he is and even giving some ideas here and there, willing to help and cheering for them.

It’s thanks to one of those ideas that both composers start brainstorming. They scribble and jot down words that pop up in their heads which turn into full sentences all while the melody plays. Yixing is on one of the stools near the piano while Jongdae sits cross-legged on the sofa. Baekhyun is right behind him, leaning his weight on Jongdae’s shoulders as he reads out loud what the latter has written so far.

It's undeniable that Jongdae's finished product is, once again and to no one's surprise, about Baekhyun. Yixing smirks at him knowingly and Jongdae's weighing up the pros and cons of throwing him one of the cushions. In the end, if he doesn’t, even after Yixing fake coughs 'monothematic', it's because of… well, Baekhyun again.

"_Fall asleep in my arms," _Baekhyun reads, circling his thumbs on Jongdae's shoulders, massaging it slightly. "_Smile for me. You can hide in me and cry" _Jongdae nods, gazing up at Baekhyun's jaw as he places his head against the sofa. "_Don't feel lonely anymore. I'll shine on you_"

How many times can an individual fall in love with the same person over and over again? Because Jongdae's about to break the record here.

"It's beautiful, Dae. Can't wait to listen to the completed version" Baekhyun says and Jongdae holds himself back from replying with something cheesy and corny and something close to _'not as beautiful as you_’.

"Beautiful, yes. Sounds like it's dedicated to someone, isn't it?"

Jongdae glares at Yixing so fast that he’s pretty sure he got whiplash.

"Oh, is it?" Baekhyun asks, removing his hands off Jongdae's shoulders and taking a seat beside him.

One could reply and succumb to Baekhyun's intense and earnest gaze. Or one could, as Jongdae does, gulp down a whole bottle of water. Which is good, because he has time to think of a reply, but also bad because he can't defend himself when Yixing attacks again.

"Well, those words sounded weirdly specific, don't they?"

Jongdae shakes his head, water dropping messily over his chin, while Baekhyun hums affirmatively wiping them off with his sleeve.

"I take inspiration from everything surrounding me," he finally replies.

"Everything. Everyone. _Someone_"

Jongdae freezes. His _'I’m throwing daggers at you, please shut up Yixing'_ gaze is obviously not working properly, so he opts to hide in Baekhyun's arms, trying to look vulnerable.

Were they, Yixing and Jongdae, as direct and merciless with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol? It might have worked for them, but Jongdae's situation is pretty different. Jongdae knows his feelings for Baekhyun but he just doesn't act upon them. It’s pretty different.

"Someone? Nop. No, no, no. Chanyeol told me the other day that Yixing gets confused and tends to misunderstand Korean words. And me. He also misunderstands me," Jongdae explains to Baekhyun, who doesn't look in the slightest convinced.

"So… what was your inspiration this time? Like a movie or something?" Baekhyun asks without stopping his ministrations. Jongdae could purr at this very moment.

"A movie, exactly. A movie. A very…inspirational one"

"About a person being in love with their best friend," Yixing unnecessarily adds.

That sentence has two consequences. Jongdae frowns for the gratuitous onslaught and Baekhyun ceases his patting and tries to retreat himself from Jongdae.

"Which movie?" That's a tricky question. Baekhyun's tone and his whole _'I can cut you with my jaw right now even if I have the sweetest rounded cheeks_' are telling Jongdae to be careful with his answer. He would. Just, he doesn't know why. "Was it, maybe, _Love, Rosie?"_ Jongdae nods slowly. He knows that movie by heart and is actually a pretty good answer. "You watched it without me?"

When did Michelangelo come down to earth to sculpt Baekhyun's face? "Yep"

"With Yixing?"

Jongdae's so mesmerized by Baekhyun's fierce expression that he truly doesn't understand Baekhyun's question. He hums nevertheless.

"Our movie!?"

Oh. _Shit._

"Yes and no," Jongdae cleverly says, pondering what's better: having Baekhyun mad at him (that can be hot so it's not too bad) or confessing he has a crush on him since forever that this song is about him and not about that movie, that Jongdae will always be there for Baekhyun. That _when even breathing feels hard, and tears rise up, Baekhyun can hide in him and cry, because it will pass (_That's probably going to his song. Right on the very beginning). Anyway, of course, the first option is better. "Well… let's say yes. I did watch our movie with somebody else"

Sounds like infidelity. Baekhyun’s expression dropping is anything to go by.

"Your movie is about two best friends that are in love with each other?"

Jongdae buries his head on the cushion. If he can't throw it at Yixing for being mean, then he can choke himself with it. The goal is to end his misery in one way or another.

"Aha. That and Iron Man. Did you watch Iron Man with him too?"

"Iron Man is _our _movie too? Do we have a list of our movies or something? Shouldn't I be aware of it?" Jongdae says confused, leaving the cushion for the sake of replying to Baekhyun.

This time, Baekhyun stands up, crosses his arms and raises one eyebrow at Jongdae, who suddenly feels like a child about to be scolded.

"Are you about to offend me _again_?"

"No? Because Iron Man is great. With a great… Iron Man character and all that. In general, 7/10" That makes Baekhyun raise his other eyebrow too. It’s unsettling. "9/10 I meant. Incredible. The special effects, wow. It's _super_ good because he's a _supe_rhero"

Both eyebrows return to their normal and peaceful place. Jongdae smiles triumphantly.

"That was too bad. You're spending too much time with Minseok, I'll have to worry," Baekhyun says trying, and failing, to look annoyed.

"A great movie that _With Love, Rose," _Yixing begins.

"_Love, Rosie," _Baekhyun and Jongdae correct him at the same time.

This time, Jongdae has learned the lesson. He stands up and walks up to Yixing menacingly (he tries) to squeeze his shoulder. And here comes an important empirical note: it hurts to squeeze a steel-like body. Also, it's inefficient to do it if you're fingers are kind of short.

Jongdae frowns at Yixing reinforcing the clear threat. When he looks up again he sees Baekhyun's staring at his hand on the other's shoulder. He probably thinks Jongdae has lost his last brain cell.

"Yes, _Love, Rosie_. Don’t you think that they take too long to get together?" Yixing continues.

"They do what they can, okay? Feelings are complicated" That's a personal attack for Jongdae.

"Of course," Yixing answers. "Especially if neither of them acts on them, right?"

"Com-pli-ca-ted"

"I don't know. In Math, when I had to resolve complicated problems, I didn't give up. I worked harder. I took _risks_ if necessary" 

It's not that simple. It's not that effing simple.

"Maybe you shouldn't have done it. Now you have the erroneous idea that everything in our lives has a solution, a happy result if we just work hard enough. Perhaps that car that starts its journey in Daegu at seven a.m. going at 100 kilometers per hour hails before reaching its destination and never meet the other car that leaves Seoul at 9 a.m. driving at 120 kilometers per hour. Perhaps one of them takes a detour. Perhaps the other choose the toll road and arrives early and waits and nobody comes ever because the other car doesn't know that he's waiting for him, that he has always been waiting for him while he takes one detour after another, risking their meeting because one of those detours can lead to another destination and perhaps they never meet"

Jongdae lets all that out without breathing, having to take a deep intake at the end to recover. His hands are shaking because his emotions are in disarray, so he goes back to the sofa looking for a comfy seat that can help him calm down. 

"Why do I think that all of that was a big metaphor about something?" Baekhyun says. "I'm lost here."

Jongdae simply sighs, feeling exhausted, not bothering to reply. He can feel the others' eyes on him, judgingly or concernedly, he doesn't know. The sofa sinks at his side and an arm snakes on Jongdae's back.

"Sorry," Yixing whispers, moving his face up close. "It wasn't my intention to push you that much"

"It's alright. I'm not angry, I promise." It's not Yixing's fault that his insides are a mess of emotions and doubts interweaved with cowardice.

"I'm definitely lost," Baekhyun repeats, still standing a few steps away from them.

Jongdae gauges Baekhyun's demeanor. He's shifting his weight from one foot to another and even though he’s smiling, Jongdae knows Baekhyun is hiding what he's really thinking. Jongdae can still read him easily. Baekhyun's uncomfortable and most likely bothered.

"It's nothing. Let's go back to the song. What if we try it now together?" Yixing replies saving Jongdae this time. "Let's mix our words"

Baekhyun's smile turns bitter.

"Are you mad because I watched our movie without you?" Jongdae asks, trying to find the reason behind the bitterness.

"No, I'm not. It's just a movie, who cares"

Well, judging by Baekhyun's tone, _he _cares. Jongdae pats the seat on his other side in a silent call. The corners of his lips curl up when he notices Baekhyun watching the seat, almost tempted to come. However, to Jongdae’s dismay, Baekhyun pulls out his phone, diverting his gaze from the seat and ignoring Jongdae's offer completely. _Ouch._

Yixing nudges Jongdae's leg, drawing his attention back to him, still waiting for his answer.

"Yes, together. I-I think I have the first paragraph?" Jongdae jots down the beginning that he came up with before.

"Wow, did you think of that during our conversation?" Jongdae shrugs shyly. "Maybe we should invite your muse to the rest of our sessions," he whispers, provoking a chuckle from Jongdae.

"Can't promise I'll be focused only on our compositions then," he replies back, glancing at Baekhyun who's still with his phone.

With the rushed tickling of the clock, they keep working on the Korean lyrics, each word easily appearing inside Jongdae's mind every time he looks up at Baekhyun. The other's nonchalant, with his fingers dancing on the phone’s screen but no emotion on his face.

It's easy to read him but difficult to understand him. It's true that they have always watched that movie together, more than what is healthy, but it's not like they had a promise or anything. And it occurs to Jongdae, when Baekhyun sends him a forced smile, that the other's not annoyed. Baekhyun is bored.

Of course, he is. It was Jongdae who wanted to introduce him to Yixing, who asked him to spend an evening with them watching them composing. And Baekhyun, being the good friend that he is, accepted. How much time has passed? An hour? Two? Baekhyun has always shown interest in Jongdae's songs, but this was crossing the line.

"You know you don't have to be here, right Baek?" Jongdae speaks suddenly, shocking Yixing and Baekhyun with the high volume of his voice.

Baekhyun gapes at him. "Oh"

"Don't feel like you have to. If you need to go… go," Jongdae says, in case it came out rude. It wasn't his intention.

"Do you want me to leave?"

Jongdae shrugs. No. Never. He doesn't want to force him to stay either.

"Well, I—I could actually leave, you know, just now Lin was telling me that they're at the Han river. I could go over there. I could also stay if you want"

"It's alright, Baek, I don't know how long are we gonna stay, right Yixing?"

Baekhyun stays still for a moment staring at Jongdae. He can perceive his gears working, thinking. However, Jongdae’s incapable to decipher what's inside Baekhyun's head.

"Okay," Baekhyun says. His feet glued to the floor.

Jongdae has asked for it, so he doesn't get why he gets the blues now. "Back to the paper," he says canalizing all the joy he can manage and smiling at Yixing.

Before leaving, Jongdae receives two things from Baekhyun: a kiss on his head and a message with all the words he had read before during Jongdae's brainstorming, along with some others that Jongdae has been saying right now and others product of Baekhyun's inventiveness. And the title of the unfinished song: _Lights out. _

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

A new routine has been added in Jongdae's life. He, who is so used to frequent the same places, same people, same food, is now flying from all around Seoul. Jongdae meets Yixing's friends, who are also composers and artists, and dines in all those fancy Chinese restaurants.

_Lights out_ is soon followed by other songs. He even gives a try on Mandarin, coming with more words than what he originally thought he knew. And this time, instead of hiding his personal notebook where he takes notes for his songs, he goes elsewhere with it. He jots down what the world is giving him. He observes, stops and gives attention to all the beings around him that have always been there but never received enough attention.

Before his classes with Baekhyun, he strolls around the parks of Seoul, filling the papers with scribbles of blooming flowers and unfading lakes. After it and before his shift at Minseok's cafeteria, he sits inside and observes every human and animal interaction, inventing the lives of all the strangers that walk past the window and that enters, imagining the melodies that the birds are chirping and the stories of the pets that waddle by. And after his shift, when he doesn't have to sing, he meets Yixing. Sometimes they get together with his friends, others with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.

Never with Baekhyun.

Jongdae isn't avoiding him. That would be unmanageable considering that he's his coach. It's true that he stops intruding inside Baekhyun's flat in the morning, but that's because he's daunted by the odds of being received by Minzu. And it's true that Jongdae doesn't invite him anymore to his composing sessions, but there's a reason for that too. Baekhyun didn't enjoy himself the one and only time that he went. It would be silly and inconsiderate for Jongdae to invite him again.

Each progress on their songs, Jongdae sends them to Baekhyun and his replies are always warm, exclamatory, enthusiastic. It's enough to make him feel satiated and let the false pretense of security to overcome Jongdae. As if everything in his life, including his relationship with Baekhyun, is perfectly fine.

There are topics that become taboo, such as Lin and Seong’s crew, and of course, Minzu. He knows she's still around. Yixing follows Baekhyun on Instagram and lets Jongdae stalk his friend's insta-stories. Jongdae feels awful when he does it, so he stops after the first week. But he gets a glimpse of a happy Baekhyun dancing in a club, boxing or cheering for other people.

All those stuff, all the feelings that bloom inside Jongdae are useful, though, for his songs. Only a stupid could think that Baekhyun's no longer his muse. He's still in the background. When Jongdae writes about the petals drinking up his tears, those were shed because of Baekhyun. And that metaphor of the _'spring wind coming after winter'_ in his song called “Flower” is Jongdae's hope rising inside him in search of a happy ending for his story with Baekhyun.

Jongdae is lost inside his head. It makes him space out more, makes him dream about Baekhyun without actually observing him. It makes him miss some important details about the other.

Two months have flown away. Jongdae's waiting outside Baekhyun's locker room, who's getting ready for a new combat. They're facing a bad streak with a total of five consecutive defeats. It's hard to keep calm because neither Baekhyun nor Jongdae can point out what's wrong. Those past opponents were fairly beatable. It was a combination of circumstances that made Baekhyun hold a wrong position, fail to bob and weave at the right moment, throw a hook a second too late. There hasn't been severe physical harm, but Jongdae could tell that most of the punches that he received were emotionally hurtful for Baekhyun. A strike to his pride, to the impressive evolution he had been doing until then, to his well-being.

That's another reason why Jongdae didn't want to bother him a lot with his music and in general. If he's waiting outside and not giving Baekhyun the pep talk that's usually needed, it's also because of it. To give Baekhyun space to breath and don’t pester him.

"Ready?" Jongdae cheerfully asks when Baekhyun exits.

Without averting his eyes from the bandages that he's wrapping around his scarred hands, Baekhyun shrugs.

"Too nervous?" Jongdae insists, trying to get some reaction. This already-worn-out Baekhyun was disturbing.

"Not really. What's the worst scenario that could happen? Me losing? I'm already used to it,” he says dryly, “Do you have the spare mouth guard somewhere with you? I forgot mine at home"

Jongdae rushes to search it in his bag, taking in Baekhyun’s weary appearance. That tiredness plus his defeatist mentality weren’t a good combination before a match.

"Look up here," Jongdae says, touching slightly his chin. "Are you alright, Baek?"

No sparkle in his eyes, no color in his cheeks. Jongdae begins to feel horrible, a sense of dread sets in his stomach. Once again, there's no reply, Baekhyun simply opens his mouth allowing Jongdae to introduce the mouth guard.

"Tired," he mumbles at the end, right after going up to the ring.

It's a massacre.

Baekhyun doesn't even make it to the fifth round. He's usually one of the fastest and smartest boxers that Jongdae has ever witnessed, his usual errors are always his lack of resistance and patience. But the exhaustion must have had an impact in Baekhyun's brain.

At first, Jongdae can see him nimbly dodging and slipping away right when a punch is about to knock him down (Jongdae has mini heart attacks each time). The opponent doesn't seem too complicated to beat. Damn, they have been playing his videos this past week and they _know_ he's all about strength. Baekhyun could easily win this. But then, Baekhyun gets trapped in the corner.

Jongdae gazes at Baekhyun. His erratic breathing, the sweat dripping from his jaw. All his weight on his tiptoes, ready to slip to the side the moment his adversary gets closer.

And how he gulps nervously.

"Baek, calm!" Jongdae screams at him, hoping to be heard among the audience's shouts. "Remember: stay awake and sharp. Awa-"

Jongdae's words get lost as a jab hits Baekhyun right on his face. Shortly, a combination of shots follow, hitting him on his stomach, his chest, his face again. In a matter of seconds, Baekhyun is on the floor, motionless.

The referee starts a ten seconds count and Jongdae springs as soon as he finishes along with an assistant and a nurse to check that everything's alright.

Ten minutes later, Baekhyun's lying on a stretcher. The assistant massages his calves while Jongdae's manhandles an _enswell_ on his torso, ignoring Baekhyun's incessant hissing and complains of being too cold.

Suddenly, the locker room door bursts open. Seong, Lin and another man that Jongdae doesn't know enter laughing and producing a commotion, getting already on Jongdae's nerves. Jongdae has never been in the mood for that group, much less now.

"Do you need something?" he forces himself to say, placing the enswell back to the ice cube.

The assistant leaves the room under the excuse of getting some lotion for Baekhyun's neck leaving them alone.

"Easy there. Just wanted to say hi and cheer this loser a bit"

Jongdae huffs. Can't believe _that_ made Baekhyun smile. "I'll go get some drink. For me. I’ll be right back," he says, following the assistant's path with one last look at Baekhyun's brighter expression.

Once out of the room, he turns a corner. Most of the spectators have already left and that gives him the moment of tranquility that he strongly needs. Jongdae doesn’t have it in him to deal with Baekhyun's new friends and their stupidity now after seeing his best friend dropped on the floor, on the brink of unconsciousness.

That image, along with Baekhyun's behavior before the bout, is rubbing Jongdae up the wrong way. And deep inside he's wondering if it's because of Jongdae himself. Beyond their practices they haven't been interacting, he hasn’t been paying attention to Baekhyun, not for real.

Jongdae waits in a squatting position at the corner, offering the others some time alone with Baekhyun. Also, hoping that the assistant can return before he goes back, so he doesn't have to interact much with the others or remain in awkward silence.

Minutes later, Jongdae hears the door being opened and he gets up to head inside.

"Oh, our Excellency," Seong greets mockingly when Jongdae walks into them.

Jongdae should probably try to get along with them, for the sake of Baekhyun, but fuck, he just wants to punch this guy.

"Already leaving?" Jongdae's parents taught him well and only for them is Jongdae acting polite.

"Yes, Baekhyun needs some rest. Rough bout, man, fucking rough" Lin says patting Jongdae's shoulder. Just like that, he starts laughing. "Shit, sorry, your shirt!"

"Are you for real?" the unknown guy yells, grabbing Jongdae's shirt and patting the cloth.

The thing is, Jongdae doesn't understand at the beginning. He's been taken by surprise and only blinks at the stranger that almost made him lose his balance and at Lin’s manic expression. Then, Seong's angry voice follows. That's when Jongdae takes note of the white dust in this sleeve.

"Fucking idiot. This shit is expensive, how the hell do you have your hands dirty?! Each fucking day you’re turning more imbecile"

"It's magnesium carbonate," the stranger explains to Jongdae, not paying attention at Seong and Lin.

And Jongdae could have believed him. Except that he already mistook cocaine with salt once and he's not about to get it wrong a second time.

A shiver runs down his spine. If Lin had cocaine in his palm, that means he just snorted it. Inside the locker room. Where Baekhyun is at.

Jongdae pushes the guy away and runs. He slams the door open, hitting the wall and strides toward Baekhyun, possessed by rage and fear.

Startled, a wide-eyed Baekhyun turns, munching a chocolate bar. "Wow, what hap-"

"Shut up! Show me your eyes. Your eyes and your nose"

Baekhyun, who a few minutes ago before Jongdae left had been laying down, walks now with a smile toward Jongdae. "Why?" he says challengingly invading Jongdae's personal and taking a bite of the bar in front of his face.

Jongdae wants to slap him. For real. "Did you just snort cocaine?"

He doesn't get a reply. Instead, Baekhyun lets out a laugh, as if that was the funniest thing he has ever heard. Biting his lower lip, he takes Jongdae's hands, stroking his knuckles.

"You're trembling"

"Baekhyun, please, answer me"

"And I can hear your heartbeat. _Lub dub lub dub_, it's going incredibly fast. Are you nervous or angry at me?" he whines at the end trying to pout at Jongdae, turning it into a beaming smile soon after. "Oh, wait. Or maybe that’s from _my _heart. Silly me" 

Jongdae gauzes his pupils. Are they too dilated? Is this the normal size? There's no hint of cocaine in his nose. Maybe they're a little reddened. Though that could be provoked by the bout.

Baekhyun moves up his hands, leaving Jongdae's and caressing his arms and upper, provoking him goosebumps in their path.

"Tell me you didn't do coke," Jongdae says forcing himself to stay impervious to Baekhyun's attention.

Their faces are too close. Jongdae can smell the chocolate from Baekhyun's mouth. It should be disgusting except it's not. It should be tempting too, to kiss him, except Jongdae could do anything right now but that.

Slowly, Jongdae places his hands upon Baekhyun's naked chest pushing him slightly. He needs some space to think. Some air to recuperate his sanity.

"I feel like fighting again,” Baekhyun says excited, ignoring Jongdae’s questions. “I think I could win this time, Dae. That would make you happier right? Me winning," he says tilting his head to one side like a puppy. Jongdae can't answer. He’s staring at Baekhyun wiping his nose with the back of his hand. "I want to fight. I want to dance and jump and fuck, _fuck_, you're really mad, don't you, Dae? That's good, right? To get your attention from time to time even if it’s only by making you mad"

"You told me it was a one-time thing. That you were curious. Baek, you promi--"

"It was a one-time thing, months ago. Now it's a three? four? seven? Time thing. I don't keep a tally, sorry. I'm not addicted, so don't worry. Hold on. Would you worry? Would you even care?"

"Of course I…"

"Because…what have I been doing these past two months? Do you know? I know what you were up to. Composing, Yixing, cafeteria, Yixing, training with me, Yixing," Baekhyun says, the volume of his voice rising. "Now that I think about it, would you have a right to be worried if I do coke? We couldn't even watch the videos of my opponents together. You just sent them to me as if spending too much time with me wasn't really worth your time, _your_ _Excellency_," he mocks Jongdae.

"Don't call me that"

Baekhyun sniffles and smacks his lips. "That's what bothers you about what I said? Not my accusation of you not caring. Not the ‘not having a right to even care’"

"I care for you, Baekhyun. Don't be stu…"

"You couldn't even be my sparring partner during our training. I was there fighting on the ring and you were with your fucking phone, probably writing to Yixing"

"Like you were when you came to our compos-"

"And you were so eager to get out of our classes. Holy shit. I'm happy for you, don't get me wrong. Making friends beyond me and Kyungsoo and taking some risks for the first time in your life. Hallelujah!"

That was a low blow. That was a low blow and Baekhyun knew it. Jongdae forces his hands to relax. Being an asshole is a consequence of doing cocaine? Or was this what Baekhyun has always thought about him? If the first question is true, Jongdae's going to punch Baekhyun. If it's the second, he's going to cry. Hide and cry.

"But I'm here, you know? Your best friend? Childhood friend?" Baekhyun continues and fuck, Jongdae just wants him to shut up.

"I know what you have been up to," Jongdae snaps. "I'm not like you. As you said I have two close friends, but that's not too bad, you know, at least I'm not out there getting close to drug addicts and hooligans. That's what you have been doing while I've been working on three different jobs. You have been fighting illegally, partying and spending your dad's money on drugs and playing video-games and fucking around! Sorry for not following all your _shenanigans_ but I'm not your babysitter"

"Step closer," Baekhyun murmurs. His face is marble-like. It's hard, just like his expression and he's moving from side to side as if he can’t stay still. "C'mon, come here, Dae," he says louder, shaking his hand at him.

Jongdae hesitates. He's not scared of Baekhyun. Jongdae's hurting and angry, that's why he hesitates. Why he takes a step back first, why he inhales. He hates fighting with somebody. He loathes arguing with Baekhyun. But that doesn't mean that he's going to stop if the other doesn't.

"What?" he says bridging the gap until their shoes are touching.

"Go to hell, your _Excellency_, go to hell"

Jongdae's hand raises without him realizing and slaps Baekhyun's face. In the twinkling of an eye, Baekhyun tries to return the slap, failing when Jongdae grabs his wrist midway.

"We can fight. We have fought a thousand times before, we could do it know. But you're under the influence of drugs. I don't want to go near you if you're high," Jongdae says slowly, marking the last syllables, looking Baekhyun in the eye.

Baekhyun's nostrils flares.

Jongdae feels like a ticking time bomb. He’s tired of his feelings for Baekhyun. One day, he makes him feel the most powerful man alive, making him believe he could be whoever he wanted. A composer? A composer. A singer? A singer. And the next, he's being reminded how meaningless he is in this world, how he can’t even be brave enough to confess his feelings.

And now this. This hurts in a different way. This terrifies Jongdae. Not their fallout. Not even Baekhyun's low blow. But the addiction. To see a ghost where before was his best friend. To see a loser, a lost soul before a bout, and not the confident warrior Baekhyun has always been before and during boxing.

"I'm going home, Baek," Jongdae says, lowering Baekhyun's arm. "Please go home you too, okay?"

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

"Call him"

"What?" Jongdae almost spills the milk out of Kyungsoo's cup.

"You keep peeking at your phone. Call Baekhyun"

"Don't know what you're talking about. I was checking the time"

"Do as you want, but I think you should call him"

Jongdae turns around, leaving the cup in front of Kyungsoo. With no chocolate. A punishment for being a busybody. And for being right. No one needs a rational person after a fight. "Why should I call?"

"You really want me to list it for you? Alright. First, he's your best friend. Second, you're his best friend"

"Then he can call and apologize"

"Don't interrupt me. You asked me, so wait for my whole answer, it won't take long. Third, you were both mean to each other"

"How do you know that? I didn't tell you what we said, I just…"

"I talked with Baekhyun after your quarrel. He told me. And yes, he told me how mean he was too. While crying. Anyway, don't interrupt me I have to meet Chanyeol in ten minutes. Fourth, you need to have a real conversation with him. And no, I'm not saying that you have to confess your feelings. You should say what you yelled at him yesterday, in a calm way, without being petty. Put your cards on the table, be frank, tell him why his new friends aren't good for him or at least why you don't like them"

"Isn't it obvious why I don’t like them?"

"Sorry, let me rephrase that: tell him why your hate towards his new friends is powerful enough to overcome your love towards your best friend"

"But I-"

"8 minutes left. Fifth, your pride in a friendship will lead you nowhere"

"He can call too! He's the one being proud!"

"The yelling will lead you nowhere either. And the lies. Sixth, you love him. You need him. You're aching. I bet you slept horribly tonight. You're a great friend for me, you're the best for Baekhyun. You both have this unhealthy codependency relationship that I can't really admire but I can respect. If you're aching now, imagine later"

"I hate you"

"Seventh, you were the one who slapped him"

"Ha! And he almost slapped me back! Did he tell you that? I stopped him midair!"

"Five minutes left. Yes, he told me. _Almost _is the keyword there. And now, finally, the last reason on my list: because he needs you. That toddler can't do anything without you. I know you've been busy composing, but if you're honest that's not the only reason why you’re spending less time with Baekhyun"

"Are you talking about Minzu?"

"Oh, no, Minzu, your jealousy, Yixing, Baekhyun's jealousy, no, I’m not talking about that. I have… four minutes left, I really can’t start now with your romantic problems. One step at a time. Friendship first. I’m talking about your insecurities and lack of communication. He needs you, Jongdae"

Jongdae bows his head embarrassed. "I feel really bad"

"I know"

"Thank you, Soo. Why would I do without you?"

"Believe me, I'm always wondering the same question but I decided not to answer. I'm scared of the answer. Anyway, now you have two minutes for my chocolate"

Jongdae beams at that. "You deserve not one, but three chocolates! Minseok can kill me later, I'll bribe him with a fancy wine"

"Now, that's why I keep you"

"Also because I helped you with Chanyeol?"

"With Chanyeol? What do you mean?" Kyungsoo asks, taking a peek over the counter to see what chocolates Jongdae is picking.

"Well, you have a _date_"

"No, we don't. He wanted to act for my play, so he needs to practice and he can't go to my classes together with my children because they’re at the same time as his handball classes"

"And he can't practice on his own?"

"What? By all means, no. Between you and me, he needs a lot of classes, he's awful"

"Of course. And the other coffee I just made that it's for him, is…?"

"It helps him to wake up. And I need to go now, he likes it hot. Please, call Baekhyun. And later tell me how it went. But after my class with Chanyeol, don’t bother me during it" Kyungsoo says, throwing one chocolate inside his mouth, putting the others inside his pocket and holding both cups of coffee, running on his way out.

It occurs that Jongdae doesn't have time to call Baekhyun. Right when he's taking off his apron at the end of his shift, Jongdae's phone lights up with an incoming call showing a sleepy Baekhyun with messy pinkish hair.

They don't exchange more than three sentences, agreeing in meeting at Jongdae's house that it's closer to the cafeteria in a few minutes.

When they arrive, they're both crestfallen and looking sullen, which gives an idea of how long they’re going to stay mad at each other. As soon as the door is closed, Jongdae throws his arms around Baekhyun's waist mumbling '_sorry_' without stopping against the other's neck.

Only when Baekhyun's arms surround him back does Jongdae separate him from his neck.

"I'm sorry for slapping you, I'm sorry for insulting your new friends, sorry for not being your best friend during these past months, sorry for…"

"No, no. I _am _sorry"

"Not more than me. I wasn't there for you…"

"You were busy, it's normal. And, about what I said to you yesterday, I know how hard is for you to make friends…"

"It's not hard. The friends that I have right now are enough for me. I don't need more"

"Oh, thank you, that's actually a very nice thing for you to…"

"And Jongin and Minseok are also my friends, for the record. I have _four_ close friends. Next time attack me with true facts. Don't chuckle, Baek, I haven't forgiven you yet. You're on thin ice"

"You just apologized?"

"And you didn't, see? Anyway. Don't smile, it's distracting me. You're making your smile bigger. You can't make it any bigger, this is starting to look like the Joker's smile, please stop"

"You're smiling too"

Yes, Jongdae definitely was. "Your fault"

"If I'm at fault for your smile, I plead myself the luckiest guilty"

"Shut up. Have you been reading poetry or what? Where that came from?"

"Let's blame poetry for my boxing misfortunes"

"Speak human, please. So it came from twitter?"

"Twitter it is. Can we sit? I'm okay with our hug, but can we do it while sitting? I miss your sofa"

"Well, it's a very special and nice sofa. Historical I dare to say"

Baekhyun rolls his eyes at that, pulling Jongdae by his hand and making him sit close to him, leg against leg, with Baekhyun's arm around Jongdae's waist.

"So drugs," Jongdae begins again.

"Mood killer"

"Well, drugs are _life _killers, now that you bring that out"

"I'm not addicted"

"And that doesn't make me any less worried. Baek… I'm sorry for that too. It's true that you're an adult"

"First time I hear that"

"Remember your three grey hairs? That's the beginning of elder-hood so you better start now catching up with adulthood before it ends"

"Is that an actual word? Elderh…"

"So, as I was saying, you're an adult"

"Second time I hear that"

"Yeah, enjoy them, because you're not gonna hear them many more times. So, it's not my fault that you consume drugs… but I feel like it is. Because I'm your friend"

"Best friend," Baekhyun corrects, tightening his arm around Jongdae possessively.

"Yes, best friend. I can't talk with my mouth in your chest, Baek"

"But you're doing it. King of making the impossible possible"

"I'm trying to be serious. Damn, seven times are a lot of times, Baek. I thought you were just curious? Why would you try it again?"

This time, Jongdae pushes himself up. He needs to see the regret in Baekhyun's face. And the calm, the calm of knowing that Baekhyun's not in too deep.

What he observes is how tiny his face is, more than normal, how red his eyes are, how hollow his cheeks are. Jongdae hasn't had the time to look at him properly before, so it's now when he takes in Baekhyun's appearance.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Jongdae whispers, brushing Baekhyun's hair backward, away from his eyes.

"Barely"

"Do you want to sleep and talk later?"

"Would you sing me a lullaby?" Baekhyun says keeping his voice low and leaning his head into Jongdae's hand.

Jongdae smiles at him. "Of course I won't. I'm still angry"

"Would you sleep with me then? You have been working non-stop these days, you deserve more rest that I do"

Laying on Jongdae's bed, cuddling in a mess of limbs with the shutters down, Baekhyun speaks again, his breathing tickling Jongdae's neck.

"I'm sorry for making you worry. I was taken aback at first, happy and taken-aback when you started meeting with Yixing and spending so much time working on your music. It made me proud, I'm so proud of you, but I know nothing about music and Yixing knows a lot so I was a little jealous that I couldn't be there for you while he could. I thought, well, let’s let Jongdae do his things. But it happens that a lot of my time I spend it with you, so I suddenly had a lot of free time and okay, video-games are fun, but I went back to Sempronio and, really, some people are fine. Remember Junmyeon and Sehun? They're pretty cool. And Seong and company… they aren't that bad. I don’t… they didn't force me, you know. It was me who asked for a second time," he explains while Jongdae caresses his back.

With all the silence around them, Jongdae can hear the trembling in his voice, in his breathing.

"Dae, I don't know what it's wrong with me. It's like I can't focus during bouts. I'm failing at things I was good at and it makes me mad. I've tried to work harder. While you were composing I thought, let's practice more, make Jongdae proud, as proud as I am of him"

"But I was already proud of you. I've always been…,"

"I know," Baekhyun's voice breaks and Jongdae knows that if Baekhyun wasn’t crying, he's on the verge of tears now. "I was so tired and I kept losing all the matches. I read about cocaine. It makes you feel euphoric, capable of everything, an energy quick. I needed it"

"No, you don’t need to push yourself. You need to rest and take care of yourself," Jongdae replies, hugging him against his chest, feeling the wetness on his tee.

"I love you so much, Dae. I love you so fucking much."

The _warm_, that's all Jongdae feels.

"Thank you for being here with me, thank you for being my best friend."

And the pain, always after feeling warm, Jongdae feels in pain.

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

If there's one thing that can cheer Jongdae up a little is not being alone in his misery.

He's at a club. Surrounded by strangers, with electronic music blaring and sweating. But at least he had Baekhyun clinging to his arm while talking-screaming at him and Kyungsoo hooked on his other arm, though his attention is on Chanyeol at the bar, who’s waiting to be attended.

“I didn't know the pining was so painfully _obvious,_" Baekhyun says to Jongdae referring to Kyungsoo. “He hasn’t even looked at us. It’s like he can’t see us. Or anybody for what it's worth, only Chanyeol”

"I told you. Wait until you see them together," Jongdae replies.

That earns a glaring from Kyungsoo. "Don't make me talk, Jongdae"

_Touché_. Jongdae isn't the most suitable person to comment on that. An outsider could easily see Jongdae pining just as hard for Baekhyun. Damn, Baekhyun is the reason why he was at this club, for starters.

Making peace with his best friend entails a series of concessions for both parts. That being for Jongdae to give a second chance to Baekhyun's new friends. Which means going to a club, seeing as how such friends can only meet in dark and noisy places, it seems.

And that's the reason why Kyungsoo and Chanyeol are here. Jongdae needed moral support and someone able to convince his moral support of coming.

As it is, bringing Kyungsoo was all perks.. He could stop Jongdae from punching Seong if necessary, for instance, and he could be a loyal accomplice too. And one drawback: Kyungsoo could be easily distracted by Chanyeol.

Suffice to say, that's what happens. Kyungsoo ditches Jongdae and Baekhyun and joins Chanyeol.

"My friends are on the other side of the dance floor," Baekhyun yells above the music once they're alone.

Jongdae hopes his smile isn't too fake. Or at least too foretelling. "I would love to go, but if we move Kyungsoo and Chanyeol won't find us"

As time has shown, Jongdae's excuses shouldn't be used against Baekhyun. He's too quick on the uptake and shakes his head, despite Jongdae's goo-goo eyes.

"We could dance and later meet with them! I'm not gonna stay still, Dae. This is a club!"

He doesn't need the reminder. Yielding, Jongdae takes Baekhyun hand and marches over, catching one last glimpse of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol at the bar, talking instead of ordering.

"See Chanyeol's hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder?" Jongdae says to Baekhyun, moving his mouth closer to the other's ear.

They're on the external part of the dancing crowd ("Dancing". They're jumping and pushing, calling that dancing would be an insult for dancers), which lets them observe Chanyeol's and Kyungsoo's bantering.

"And he's not slapping it away," Baekhyun notices. "Incredible"

Baekhyun moves his hand up, touching Jongdae's short hair on his nape. Trying to fit in, Jongdae puts his arms around Baekhyun's waist, swinging them both side to side. Sure, that doesn't go with the music but he'd rather keep talking and they can't do that while jumping.

"All bets in. Who's going to step up his game first?"Baekhyun asks smirking.

"Don't be so childish,” Jongdae scolds. Then he grins back. “Kissing or confession? Kissing, definitely Chanyeol. You don't know him, but he's impulsive. And stop with my hair, Baek, it's annoying"

It makes Jongdae reckless, leaning forward toward Baekhyun. It’s more than annoying, it’s dangerous!

"Since when are you so highly-strung? Better here?" Baekhyun says, stroking Jongdae's back from beginning to end. It gives Jongdae the shivers.

"Nop. Just don't move it. Put your hand whatever you want, but don't move—of course, you were gonna go for my butt"

"I love it"

"I can tell"

"So, my bets are on Kyungsoo…"

"Move your hand higher"

"Our little man doesn't waste time. He's not going to wait for Chan-"

"Your hand!" Jongdae reprimands.

"-yeol to make a—" Jongdae grabs Baekhyun's hand and places it over Baekhyun's mouth cutting his sentence.

"Much better," Jongdae smiles up upon seeing Baekhyun's eyes crinkling.

Saying something that goes unheard, Baekhyun gropes his butt with his other hand. This time, Jongdae takes both Baekhyun's hands, bringing them behind his back.

Smiling winningly at Baekhyun, it takes a moment until he registers how impossible close this new position makes them. With Jongdae's arching into Baekhyun's body, chest to chest, their fingers interlaced, Baekhyun's lips millimeters away, damp and inviting, and his bedroom eyes fixed on Jongdae's mouth.

Blinking, Jongdae reaches closer, reducing the distance between their faces enthralled.

That's when someone decides to push him. Or Baekhyun. Jongdae doesn't know, he only knows that his nose crashing into Baekhyun's hurts like hell and they both have to step back in pain, holding their noses.

"I'm gonna kill them," Jongdae grunts, turning around to find the responsible. There are so many people, still dancing and jumping and unfairly unaware of what they have just done, that it's useless.

Soon later, Chanyeol's yell draws their attention. "Here you are! We have our drinks!" He's holding a couple of sodas on his hands, with Kyungsoo following him close behind. "Now we can meet your friends, Baekhyun!" he adds to Jongdae's dismay.

They end up sitting on a large sofa. Jongdae in the middle of Kyungsoo and Luca, Chanyeol beside Kyungsoo and Baekhyun standing a few meters away socializing.

To make it clear, Jongdae doesn't want to be a party pooper. He's a party guy… when he goes to a party, which maybe it's not very usual. He normally spends his time chatting with strangers and dancing. But his mind can't stop replaying the scene with Baekhyun on the dance floor. And Jongdae can't stop ogling at Baekhyun in consequence. Tracing with his eyes Baekhyun's lips when he licks them, following his fingers as he puts them in his mouth, longing while Baekhyun makes a silly dance that it's sexier than sillier.

"I could kiss him," Jongdae says to no one.

Luca frowns at him. Kyungsoo gives him a skeptic look over.

"I could go and kiss him senseless right now"

"And what's stopping you?" Kyungsoo challenges him.

Well, Seong and Lin who are getting all Baekhyun’s attention. All those people in general that interrupted what could have been their third kiss. "The universe," he replies summing it up.

"The universe? Jongdae, I'm telling you this as a friend. But also as someone who's running out of patience. The only thing stopping you is the dense empty big nut that you use as a head"

"Don't be mean" He's going to add something else when he sees Baekhyun walking out. "He's leaving!"

"Is he always like this?" Chanyeol says most likely to Kyungsoo, referring to Jongdae in third person.

Jongdae bites savagely on his lip realizing who are the three figures leaving after Baekhyun. Seong, Lin and a girl. His first thought is about her. He can't remember Minzu's face so that could be her. His second thought comes fast, curling his blood. The other two are the ones that snort cocaine.

In an instant, Jongdae's up on his foot darting after them.

He shouts Baekhyun's name as he burst open the door, startling himself by his own volume. Baekhyun's right there typing on his phone. And he looks adorable and hot at once, with his smoky eyes and killing smile that makes Jongdae's heart skip a beat. By no means he looks red-handed.

"I'm not leaving. I was just saying goodbye" Baekhyun explains, thinking he understands the reason behind Jongdae's rush.

One second Jongdae’s skimming over Baekhyun's body, afraid of coming across a hint of cocaine, and the next one he's moving closer, cupping Baekhyun's face and kissing him.

He kisses him with hunger and urgency, demanding an unspoken answer that comes in the form of a gasp at first. Finally, Baekhyun reacts and copies Jongdae's hands, kissing him back just as firm, as fervent. In an open-mouthed assault that makes Jongdae giddy and ecstatic and scared and eager, all at once.

Jongdae presses himself against Baekhyun, pushing him against the closest wall. He rummages through his body: his arms, his waist, his _hips_. Fuck. Jongdae could spend his life holding onto Baekhyun's hips. He needs more. Everything. Because he has been waiting for so long and he can't know for sure if this is only their third kiss or the first of thousands. He doesn't want an answer, though. Just Baekhyun.

When they break for air and their lips are separated by too many millimeters, Jongdae follows Baekhyun's mouth in a hurry, capturing his lips again.

"Dae," Baekhyun struggles to say, leaning away from Jongdae, "let me catch my breath," he pants and beams at him.

It's the most beautiful smile. And that's saying a lot coming from Jongdae who has seen hundreds of different smiles from Baekhyun. But this one, this one is dizzy, entrancing, plumper, redder, damper and so appealing. Jongdae can't take his eyes off that smile.

He goes closer, brushing his lips against Baekhyun’s, kissing him feebly, unable to stop himself. And it's so tempting to continue, to be cheeky enough to rolls his hips against Baekhyun, that he does it, with no qualms, absorbing the groan that Baekhyun makes with a nibble.

"Need more time?" Jongdae asks thickly, feeling brave.

This time, Baekhyun is the one who leans in. Their desire hasn't decreased in the slightest, the urge is the same, however, now there’s no rush. Jongdae’s not afraid that Baekhyun will stop. Not when he seems as hooked to Jongdae as Jongdae is. The only thing the only impediment that shorty stops them is the air.

Suddenly, as Baekhyun's hand is roaming under Jongdae's shirt, an acrid smell impregnates Jongdae's nose. At first, he doesn't think about it, doesn't want to. Baekhyun’s lips are much more important. But then whatever it is, it reaches Jongdae's taste buds and he forces himself to separate from Baekhyun.

"Blood," Jongdae mumbles, incapable of forming a complete sentence.

That single word triggers back the sense of dread inside Jongdae that he had been feeling before, waking him up from his entrancement. And no, not about what's going to happen after this kiss, not about Jongdae's feelings or the possibility of Baekhyun reciprocating them. What rushes back in full force is the fear of Baekhyun being doped again.

"Your nose is bleeding," he continues taking a step back. No inch of their bodies touching anymore.

Baekhyun raises his hand to his nose, chuckling. "I know there's a joke somewhere," he jests.

Jongdae's even more aghast at his nonchalant attitude.

"Hey, Dae? Are you okay?" Baekhyun says tending a hand towards Jongdae, as a half-assed attempt to touch him. It doesn't happen. Jongdae balks, taking another step backward.

"Have you—" he begins, choking midway. He can't complete it. He can't ask Baekhyun if he's strung out right now. If he has kissed Jongdae back because he's high.

Jongdae has read about it. The effects that cocaine consumption has. The euphoria, the hypersensitivity, the nosebleeds, the…shit, the increased sex drive. Well, that explained a lot. And hurt a lot. Baekhyun's response, the desire for Jongdae. Did Baekhyun really want to kiss Jongdae? Or he just did it because Jongdae’s pitiful and so needy self, fucking ambushed him?

"Dae?"

Now there's a real concern in Baekhyun's face. Concern and confusion. As if he wasn't able to understand what was happening. His nose keeps bleeding, Jongdae's on the brink of a breakdown, and Baekhyun doesn't get it.

"You're high," Jongdae accuses hardly.

"High on you? Oh, yes, I can assure you I am," he quips in return. "Fuck, I don't know what's wrong with my nose, sorry. Do you have some tissue or something?" He even sounds embarrassed while he lifts his shirt to clean his nose. "Dae?"

"I can't do this"

"What?" The feeble smile on Baekhyun's face disappears as he catches on. "You can't what?"

"I—You— I can't kiss you while you're high" Jongdae tucks his hands inside his trouser pockets impeding the trembling to be seen. "I can't be with you. Not like that"

"Wow, slow down there. High? With me? I think you're going over your head there"

"Do you know why were you kissing me, Baek?" Jongdae says slowly holding a fake calmed façade and keeping his tears at bay. His vision getting blurry even then.

"Oh. Of course. Now it comes the regret " Baekhyun retorts, raising his voice, getting angry. "Do _you _know why you did it? Are you going to say that it was a mistake? Is that? Because hell, you could have realized sooner before sticking your tongue inside my throat!"

Despite Jongdae best intent, a sob leaves his mouth. "I can't do this," he repeats, this time convincing himself. "I can't kiss you. Not because it was a mistake, it was for you a mistake? It's…it hurts Baek. I can't be with you when you're like that. Not just while kissing. I don't care about our damn kisses!"

"You don't care…"

"I care for you"

"Oh, don't give me that"

"I care for you, Baek, so much it hurts"

Baekhyun laughs humorlessly. Jongdae feels a pang at the sound.

"Why did I even—? Fuck the awful moment I fell—," Baekhyun says pacing around and pulling his hair. "Caring for me hurts, Jongdae? Imagine being in love with you?! Imagine how much _that _hurts! You can go to fucking hell. You can't be with me, is that what you said?" Jongdae lowers his head overwhelmed, tears running down his face, but nods regardless.

A simple action that makes everything quieter. No more pacing, no more screaming. Then, Baekhyun lifts Jongdae's chin letting him see his stone-like gaze.

"Disappear from my life if it hurts that much," Baekhyun whispers. "If I hurt you, don't get close to me. I'll do just the same," he finishes, leaving Jongdae alone in the side-street, bawling his eyes out.

Kyungsoo finds Jongdae squatted down against the wall later. Looking like an abandoned kitty, shivering and holding himself with his fingers grabbing tightly his shirt.

Jongdae knows that the stranger fondling his hair is him. He doesn't need to look up to check that it's Kyungsoo. Because the other person in this club who likes to caress him is gone and it doesn't seem like he's coming back.

Kyungsoo sits on the floor, pushing Jongdae gently against him, allowing him to sob on the crook of his neck.

"Chanyeol?" Jongdae gets to ask him minutes later.

"He went home"

That has a horrible impact on Jongdae's dejection. "I ruined that too?"

"No, Jongdae. He left before I saw Baekhyun storming out of the club and I knew something was wrong. He has morning classes tomorrow"

"Oh, and you?" Jongdae asks wiping his eyes, only shaking slightly. "You should go home too if you want to get any sleep"

Kyungsoo stares at him, pushing his messy hair back carefully. "My friends are more important than that. I will call it sick if it's necessary"

That almost makes Jongdae cry again. "I fucked up," he confesses. "I kissed him. And he—he kissed me back and it was great. No, not great, it was more than great, it was—but then he started to bleed, Soo, he—he was drugged and I… I'm so scared. I'm so worried. Fuck, you should have gone after him and not come here with me. He needs somebody right now. I can't be there. Please, Soo, you should—"

Kyungsoo shakes his head, stopping Jongdae midway. "He sent me a message. He’s home and is going to sleep. Besides, I think this time, you need me more," he says calmly. "You know, he still cares about you. A lot"

"No, you should have seen him. His eyes… he hates me so much"

"He was the one who told me where you were. He still cares for you. He still needs you. He still loves you," Kyungsoo adds for good measure.

"That's what he said," Jongdae mumbles. "That he was in love with me. But, Soo, he was on drugs"

"Does cocaine create feelings?"

"No, not that I have read"

"Good. Even if they could, the easiest way to find out if what happened tonight was real or induced by cocaine is talking to him tomorrow. Go home, drink water, because you need to hydrate yourself. Then, sleep on it and talk with him"

Jongdae nods. "That's the wisest thing, yes"

"I can hear the 'but' in that phrase"

"He told me to disappear" It hurts saying it. It feels like a punch in Jongdae's guts. "I can't go near him, he doesn't want me to"

Kyungsoo smiles slightly at that. "Oh, and you're an expert in doing always what Baekhyun tells you to. You're still incapable of saying no, aren't you?"

(ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

Jongdae's a nervous wreck the next morning while he trudges to their gym expecting to find Baekhyun there for their training session. He scans the place from top to bottom once he arrives, searching for Baekhyun and dismissing the attempts of engaging him in conversations of some boxers and elders.

An hour past their usual meeting time, Kyungsoo sends him a message telling him that Baekhyun's training at another gym under Junmyeon's orders.

Instead of giving up and going back home, Jongdae walks to Baekhyun's flat willing to intercept him there sooner or later. He could enter, he has the keys, but he'd rather be invited than barge in.

That's Jongdae original plan, but by the time that Baekhyun makes his appearance, Jongdae's starving, parched and asleep against the hallway crystal doors.

What wakes him up is the static voice of Baekhyun coming from the intercom telling him to go home. Which means that the other saw Jongdae lying there, stepped over him and went upstairs to his floor. It would have been discouraging if it wasn't for the two jackets covering Jongdae's body. The idiot surely used the gym one and got down again after grabbing the second one. Jongdae's lovely adorable idiot.

Getting up, he rings once requesting Baekhyun to open the main door. Of course, he doesn't get an answer so he rings Baekhyun's neighbor who gladly opens it for him (the woman could open Baekhyun's actual door if she could, she adores Jongdae).

Then, he knocks the door giving Baekhyun the cordial leeway of five minutes before inserting the key himself.

Baekhyun is at the door frame in an instant, clearly foreseeing Jongdae's intentions, with his hands stretched blocking the entrance.

"Why are you here? Weren't we clear enough yesterday?" Baekhyun says straight away.

"I wasn't. I have to tell you something"

"And let me hurt you again? Aren't you daring?" Baekhyun mocks him. "Give me a minute," he says next closing the door all of a sudden.

He opens it later, pushing a box full of all kinds of things to Jongdae.

"Your stuff. Now, goodbye," he says slamming the door to a taken-aback Jongdae that with his occupied hands can't react soon enough.

"Asshole, as if all my stuff can fit in this," Jongdae mumbles to himself. "Open the door!" he screams. "You know I can get in if I want"

"I'm calling the police if you enter," he hears Baekhyun screaming back.

"I can also spend the night right here" There's no answer to that. "I will follow you everywhere until we can hold a civilized conversation. I won't give you back all your stuff that you have at my home. Neither these two jackets!" Jongdae shuts up for a minute, only hearing his own rushed breathing. "I'll give up everything until I get to talk to you! My phone, my Netflix account, my jobs!! My job at the cafeteria and my job as your…wait, actually I already lost that one right? Oh, and my contract with Yixing. There's a get-out clause that we wrote down in case I wanted to bail out!" Still silence. It makes Jongdae grow more desperate. "And-And I'm giving up my songs entirely! I'll just post them on the internet or delete them or something I don't know, I don't care if my one and only fan doesn't care either"

The door cracks open. "Get inside and stop screaming," Baekhyun says stepping aside to let him in. "And stop with the melodrama"

"I'm being serious. I could do all that"

"Get in," Baekhyun insists averting his eyes.

Inside, Jongdae places the box on the dining table and takes a chair at first. Then he sees Baekhyun standing and he quickly does the same.

"Speak. And don’t forget to return the key before leaving later"

Jongdae ignores him, taking a step closer. "Baek, do you remember what you said yesterday?"

Baekhyun raises one eyebrow at him. Which is good, that means that he's receptive or at least that he's listening to Jongdae and he’s not impassive.

"Everything you did. Did you mean it? The kisses, the…you said that you like me," Jongdae blatantly tells him wrongly, in order to be corrected and hear it once more.

"Love you. That's what I said. Also that it hurt me"

Jongdae's lip corners lift at that. "Why?"

"Weren't you the one who wanted to speak? Don’t ask _me_ then"

"Okay. The thing is I've imagined this moment a thousand times, really, I'm not exaggerating here, and in any of my fake scenarios we were mad at each other. So, just in case, I'm going to apologize first and…"

"And then leave"

"No. Then confess and then leave if you want, yes" That makes Baekhyun raises both eyebrows. In shock. "What's surprising? Me confessing?" Baekhyun nods slowly. "Because it's too daring?"

"Because yesterday you told me you couldn't be with me. I told you I love you and you burst into tears"

"Yeah. Because you loving me is so awful. Someone, please, help me," Jongdae’s getting annoyed. Was Baekhyun this stupid?

"Are you really being sarcastic now? Cut the crap would you"

"No. Can't you see there's something you're leaving out? Between you loving me and me crying, there was something else"

"My nose bleeding? Because as my coach you haven't seen it before, obviously. It stunned you, right?"

"Now who's the one being unnecessarily sarcastic? You were high, that's why I couldn't do it. Your nose was bleeding and you were only kissing me back because you were high!" Jongdae screams livid.

"What?" Baekhyun says incredulously. "Where does that come from?"

"Those are symptoms of having consumed cocaine. The sexual appetite and nosebleeds. I read it on Google, don't treat me like a fool"

Baekhyun's mouth hangs open. "Let me get this straight. You cried and rejected me because of something you read on fucking _Google_?"

Jongdae frowns. "And you didn't deny it. You're still not denying it. So you were high. So did you mean what you say or—"

Baekhyun strides up crashing their mouths together and shutting Jongdae up. Jongdae doesn't have enough time to kiss him back when Baekhyun, still holding his face pulls away.

"You're unbelievable," Baekhyun grunts, giving him a peck. "Insufferable." A longer one. "And I'm so angry at you" Jongdae smiles is covered again by Baekhyun's lips in a deep kiss.

"Remember Pavlov?" Jongdae says smiling pulling away slightly.

"What… Dae why are you—"

"Pavlov explained that If you reward me with kisses when I do something bad that makes you angry, you're reinforcing—" Baekhyun rolls his eyes before kissing him. He leads them both to the sofa without breaking apart, pushing Jongdae against it to make him sit and falling abruptly on him. "Baek, hold on, wait"

"Are you gonna keep on the bullshit? Because then I’m not stopping" Baekhyun asks, getting comfortable on Jongdae's lap.

"No. But I had a plan of action before your kiss that I would like to follow. As I said, first is my apology. I'm sorry" Jongdae gazes at Baekhyun who's literally bouncing impatiently on top of him. He may not know, but it's _really _distracting. He's also biting his lower lip, which is unsurprisingly distracting too. Baekhyun's whole persona is…"You're distracting me"

That makes Baekhyun smirk and kiss Jongdae's nose. "Go on, I promise to behave"

"Like I can trust you on that. So…I'm sorry for freaking out but you should give up drugs, Baek"

"I wasn't dope yesterday. I haven't touched anything since last week when we had our fallout. The other fallout, not yesterday’s. Is this going to be a new thing for us, by the way? Arguing? Because I demand to solve our arguments with angry sex"

Jongdae's sure that he's blushing and Baekhyun cooing at him and kissing his neck telling him he's not wrong. "You weren't high then? You…"

"There are many causes that make your nose bleed. We can search for it on Google if that's your reliable source"

"Okay, no, I trust you more"

"Good. Next point, your confession"

"That's a little sudden. Stop raising your eyebrows at me. You do it a lot and I don't like it, it makes me self-conscious"

"I've been waiting _four _years for you to fall in love with me and confess. Don't say it's sudden"

"Four? Oh," Jongdae beams, "still I think I should elaborate before confessing"

"I love you"

"No, I mean before I conf--. "

"I love you so much, Jongdae. You can't even imagine"

Jongdae has never felt so happy in his entire life. "Okay, yes, please, go on"

Baekhyun chuckles. "I've been in love since you started working at Minseok's cafeteria and you were dressed with your black apron, covered in milk and in who-knows-what because you opened the blender before it finished. And I was approaching you and you sent me the goofiest smile I have ever seen," he recalls, tracing a path from Jongdae's forehead to the corner of his lips. "I thought holy shit, I'm the luckiest person in the world. I've been thinking holy shit, I’m the luckiest person in the world an awful lot each day since then all because of you. Or maybe I've been in love for longer and I realize it back then. Because I look back and I think how?" Baekhyun lets out an incredulous laugh. "How didn't I love you the very first moment I met you?"

Jongdae kisses his hand unable to do anything else. Baekhyun moves it to his nape, stroking Jongdae's Adam apple with his thumb. "Remember when we tried climbing for the first time?" Jongdae begins at last in a whisper, after a moment. Baekhyun nods leaning his forehead against Jongdae’s. "I got scratched and you kissed my knee saying your kiss would cure it" They both smile at that. "I got goosebumps just for that kiss. That was the first sign that what I felt for you wasn't what a normal friend should feel. But I wasn't aware until years later when you gave me a boner"

The confession makes Baekhyun laugh and it's physically impossible for Jongdae to not capture his lips halfway in a kiss, muffling the sound until it turns into a moan.

"You cut your greasy bangs," Jongdae explains breaking them apart once more.

"That’s a false accusation and you know it," Baekhyun says. He looks devastating. Fuck, Jongdae is in too deep. 

"You're so oblivious, Baek, almost all my songs were about you. I've been leaving hints about how much I love you for seven years and you haven't even realized until today. You just put all my stuff in a box and gave it to me, not even an hour ago! Only God, and maybe Kyungsoo, knows how many actions I do with you in my head per day. Even Yixing calls me monothematic. I like to wake you up every morning, jumping on your bed, knowing I'll be the first person you see each morning. Knowing your first thoughts and gaze and words of the day are solely for me. You make me so selfish and yet I would be the most selfless person on earth just for your happiness… goddamned, look at how cheesy you make me, Baek! I'm… this is the most daring thing I've said in my whole life: I love you, Baekhyun. I'm terribly, stupidly, madly in love with you.


End file.
